Corporate Identify is more than a logo

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Instructor, Mitch McDeere
 
Aquirion* is a global industry leader experiencing growth and revenue in an otherwise collapsing economy.  Stock prices are rising, media coverage is positive, customer loyalty is high.  The company job board is bursting, with openings in several high-tech economy states where plenty of candidates are immediately available, thanks to rampant lay-offs of experienced talent.

The Company has briefcases full of cash, with which to buy the small struggling companies who have perforated their own space so raggedly that none of them owns the "wallet share."  Aquirion can make the offer their boards of directors can not refuse, and every day the Aquirion family grows.

 New arrivals on the Company shores receive their welcome packets and fleece vests in the new company colors.  They unpack at their new desks  -- some parts improvement and some parts disappointment -- and try to pick up their projects where they left off last week.  They have high hopes for life on the Gold Mountain, but of course they never forget The Old Country.

At its worst, the Company never breaks out of its camp mentality.  Typically, corporate uniformity will take over as the workforce ages and the hard-liners are weeded out.  But the Finishing School understands that Aquirion and its like strive to be greater than the sums of  their parts, so we offer some recommendations for both management and staff.  We invite our students and readers to continue this dialogue with their comments and strengthen the Aquirions among us.


Less is more with the new logo
No one wants their history "disappeared." Especially when it is a history they helped create.  The new colors, name, and logo are an important part of forming your new identity, but try not to wipe old identities off the map.  One big ticket item is enough -- the jacket, the laptop bag, the coffee cups on every desk.  But just one.

Celebrate your heritage
Why not use some of your corporate art space  to frame the old logos, mascots, colors, ad campaigns?  Encourage member companies to display their awards, patents, and founders' portraits. Something about these members of the family was worth paying for.  Let everyone know.

Allow room for adjustment
This is especially difficult when competitors are suddenly bed-fellows.  In corporate life, we put a lot of energy into defining the enemy as the worst thing that could ever happen to our customers and our industry .  Be patient while your staff try to unlearn that lesson.


Encourage mingling
Pigeonholing isn't caused by hostility, but it can breed it.  Look for cross-functional workteam opportunities for member companies to share talent.  An internal apprenticeship program might be a start. Try a Think Tank, consolidated trade show team, interview teams, or R&D projects.  Dream outside the "staff council" and "softball team" box, though those work too.

Participate
This means you, acquired staff.  When your company puts out the call for representational participation, get in there and mix it up!

Orient new staff to a new company, made up of the rich diversity of its member companies.  Teach the history of your new company as part of New Hire indoctrination. 

Be open-minded.  Not all mergers go swimmingly.  Some have been infamous disasters; others came out stronger than they began.  What those stories have in common are setting a tone from the outset that all member companies have value and that decisions will be made by, and for, all stakeholders.

ODCT, Organization Development Consulting and Training, of Seattle, WA, offers some Best Practices for achieving "[an] outcome in which there is a high degree of internal commitment to and collaboration in the newly merged organization."  Most importantly, they address the tension that will come in any situation where people feel they are giving up control of their personal and business success.

Aquirion can not simply declare a "new chapter" and declare that the past is behind us.  They will always be The Other if they choose that route, rather than the profitable umbrella they intend to be.

*Aquirion represents a typical parent company, based on the varied professional experiences of our faculty.  Any similarity to a specific company is the result of the mega-merger conglomeration of global business.

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Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way

Instructor, Caroline Bender

Weekend Campus: Simulation Exercise

Goal: Simulate corporate rollouts in a collapsed time frame, using creative role playing and minimal instruction.  By the end of the designated time period, each group will have launched their assigned project.  There is no prescribed time period for how long the launch itself should take.

Time frame: 8 hours
Once the exercise begins, the groups may set their own schedules of breaks, meals, and work.  Group members are not required to adhere to those schedules.

Group Roles:

1. Choose a Facilitator for your group to mediate discussion, track progress, and mitigate risks.

2. Choose a project Sponsor to be responsible for defining project goals such as business needs, customer requirements, market opportunity, and competitive intelligence.  Ask that person to sit out of your discussion for 20 minutes out of every 60.  The group Facilitator will be responsible for calling the Sponsor back into meetings.  The Sponsor may go wherever s/he chooses for those 20 minutes and is not required to be reachable by phone or email.

3.  Finally, choose another member of your group to play your Senior Executive. S/He should leave campus entirely.


Forming:
The Facilitator will read the group's objective: "Design a program, product, campaign, or operation."   No further detail will be provided.

Choose a name for your organization and distribute labor among yourselves.  If desired, switch places with members of other groups in different roles after the project work begins.  You need not discuss this with your Facilitator ahead of time.


Determine what your personal area goals would be, keeping in mind that they may conflict with the goals of others.  You may choose to care about this.


Storming:
When the Sponsor next joins the group, members will ask the questions which have been raised during your design discussion.  The Sponsor will present the name of a program, product, campaign or operation he has thought of during the preceding 20 minutes.  The group should alter their plans to suit that name. 

The remaining time with the Sponsor may be spent clarifying his/her idea, or arguing about how much time is left in the session. 


Norming:
The Facilitator will present a progress report and a review of the plan to this point.  Tasks and timelines will be reiterated and small group or individual work may occur.  This can be a good time for group members to switch teams.  In that event, the Facilitator will re-convene the group and re-establish roles, responsibilities, and goals.  The Facilitator is also reminded to watch the time for the next checkpoint with the Sponsor.  Outlook can be helpful here.

When the Sponsor next joins the group, repeat the question/clarification process.  Ask the Sponsor to provide status on any tasks assigned to her/him while s/he was out of the room.

Performing:
In advance of this step, the instructor will gather all of the Senior Executives into a small meeting room and explain what each group is launching, based entirely on any discussion or buzzwords s/he has managed to overhear during the course of the day.  The instructor may misrepresent some items, or assign them to the wrong groups, but the class should not worry too much about this.  The instructor should take care to excite each Senior Executives about the initiatives in his/her area.  When that has been done sufficiently, the executive group will rejoin the class.  Sponsors should only return according to their pre-set schedule.


The Senior Executive will join his/her group.  If the Sponsor is also present, the Sponsor will pitch the project.  If the Sponsor is not present, the Facilitator will pitch while the Executive asks about the Sponsor.


Transforming
The Executive  will use the following formula to determine how to respond to the group's work.  Within the formula, the Executive may improvise the details of their response.  The desires and requests of the Executive are binding.



IF  xxxxx time remains in session, ask the group to.....

90+ minutes.....stigmatize or socialize
60 minutes...prioritize or exercise
30 minutes...monetize or productize
15 minutes...incentive or proselytize
5 minutes... globalise or localise

The first group to complete a full launch of their program, product, campaign or operation before the close of the session will be declared the leading global provider of enterprise solutions and may purchase the other groups.

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Tips from the trenches: Make your coworkers look good

Miss Minchin, Dean of Students

In school, group projects were the worst. One person always did all the work, one person always dominated the planning, or everyone did their own thing and it never came together as a cohesive project. The same dynamics can come into play in the world of work whether you are working on a cross-functional team, or simply depending on other groups to help you meet your deliverables. It can be tempting to sit back and let the slackers in the group expose themselves as unprepared or non-collaborative, while you seemingly “shine” in comparison, but in reality this will have the opposite effect. Your manager wants to know that she can rely on you to produce results, and this applies to team projects as well as individual contributions.

Rather than silently seethe when you find yourself doing more than your fair share, or focus only on your own contribution to the effort (and be surprised when someone drops the ball at the 11th hour), work to bring out the best in your team. Take a few proactive steps to help your colleagues shine and the whole team will look good. Here are a few examples:

• At least a day before a status meeting or presentation, check in with your team and make sure everyone is prepared.
• Ask:”Do you have everything you need for tomorrow? I’m expecting you will present X and I’ll present Y, is this what you had in mind?”
• Determine which updates/sections each person will present, and talk through how you think the meeting will be run.
• If you are presenting to executives, it doesn't hurt to stage a dry run in advance. Everyone will benefit.
•  Ensure any obstacles or negative reports your team has to make are presented with a plan to overcome them:
• “We are still waiting for the reports, but we’ve escalated this and it’s been promised by no later than next Monday.”
•  Help your colleagues present their results in the best light, you may have more experience in presenting than they do, or you can simply serve as a second pair of eyes.
• Instead of “the marketing campaign was not very successful, but it was our first one”, encourage them to report “the marketing campaign had a respectable showing for a first run, and we are working on a plan to make the next one even better”\
• Instead of letting your developer state that the code is only 30% done, encourage him to present it as “We prioritized the main workflows which are 90% complete and we are starting on the secondary workflows next week. “ (Of course – only if this is true)
• Make sure you check in with your team members on a regular basis, and set up a status call if there isn’t one already. 
• This is the place to check progress, ask if anyone needs help, and uncover obstacles before they lead to big problems. If your company culture doesn't support that, check in with each person one-on-one.
• This is not a forum to publicly shame team members into taking action. Understand that they each have their own individual priorities, and are stretched just as thin as you are.

In the end, it’s the finished result that counts, and supporting your colleagues will make you all look better. Throwing your colleagues under the bus will reflect negatively on you as well. What goes around comes around, and it never hurts to generate good will among coworkers. You never know, someday you might end up reporting to them, but with these skills under your belt it’s more likely they’ll end up reporting to you. ;)

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Ask a Manager: Getting Noticed by Management

Guest Lecturer, Dick Whitman, Manager in Residence

Dear Manager,
What are the best and worst things employees can do to get noticed by their manager or upper management?

The worst way to get noticed is to show that you are trying really hard to get noticed. We manager-types don’t like that. It’s the same way the monkeys at the zoo feel when you tap on the glass. It annoys us. So lay off the red exclamation points on your emails, ok?

The thing to realize is that a manager needs to balance the needs of the entire team along with the objectives of the job and his own ability to make things happen for you. It can never be all about one person. As far as I’m concerned, generosity toward teammates and a sincere contribution to the company’s success – in addition to quality work – are the most important things an employee can do to show his or her worth.

This takes patience as well, because sometimes there are just not a lot of opportunities for advancement that a manager can offer. You might find yourself on a longer path than you are comfortable with, but you can measure your success by the amount of trust your manager has in you. This can be seen when you are given important projects to work on, or when you are asked to share the things that you know with your team.

So try to stay away from expressions like “Me too!”, or “I was just going to say that”, or “Hey! Look at me!”. You don’t need to get the last word in every email exchange. If you send your manager information, and he replies with “Thank you”, you don’t need to reply with “You’re welcome!”. If a client sends you a nice email praising your performance, it is perfectly acceptable to tell your manager that the client was happy and sent a nice email. However, forwarding it along when the client or other teammates on the thread don’t think to do so for you…it looks like horn-tooting, which again, is akin to the glass-tapping.

While I am suggesting that you look for ways to help the company and the team for the common good, and to do it selflessly, you might think that you have already been doing that for a long time and you are still playing the wallflower. In these cases, I recommend that you talk to your boss about it. The important thing here is that you don’t go asking for a promotion or worse, storming in guns-ablaze all full of ultimatums.

You may have varied success with these methods depending upon the manager, but I have always found it refreshing when an employee comes to me and says “I feel like I have been making a good contribution, but can you tell me how you think I am doing, and what I would need to do to get to the next level (or ‘how I can get to a point where I take on some new challenges’)”. If you show that you are taking some responsibility for your own performance, and your own fate within the context of the needs of the company, you will generally find a manager who is more open to discussing your goals and how to help you reach them.

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Ask a Manager: Staying on Message

Guest Lecturer, Dick Whitman, Manager in Residence

Dear Manager,
How do you handle having to stay "on message" when you don't agree with upper management?

This is often a challenge to me, particularly because my personal style is so rooted in building trust and loyalty with the team. Still, I need to maintain the balance of effective leadership along these lines while staying loyal to my own leaders. It would be hypocritical of me to expect a kind of loyalty from my employees that I am unwilling to give to the people to whom I report.

I would like to tell you that I always agree with what my leaders tell me. But then, I would be insulting your intelligence, and that breaks a big rule with me. I actually have a few driving rules that I try my best to honor:

• Never lie to the team
• Never insult their intelligence
• Be as open and candid as possible
• Never break a confidence
• Do not throw company management under the bus

Obviously, the very nature of this dilemma can make it difficult to follow all of the above rules at once. The last one above is perhaps the hardest to honor. By not throwing my management under the bus, I don’t just mean that I avoid bashing them. That is clearly unprofessional. What is more important to me is that I try not to tell my team anything along the lines of: “I don’t agree with this, but they are making me do it, so I am making you do it.” That compromises my own integrity, and it doesn’t help the company to be unified in its objectives.

So how do I deal with it then? Well, provided I am working in an environment in which I trust the leadership overall, I feel it is my duty to fight for my beliefs, and for the best interests of my team and my clients. I do my best to make my case strongly and effectively, but most of all professionally and respectfully. I feel that if I am working in an environment where I am able to question authority, I can make a real contribution. I expect nothing less from my team in dealing with me. The key to this is to know when the discussion is over, and to understand when it is time to carry out the directive from the boss. I don’t always agree with it, but I understand that I am not always right.

So when this happens, and my objections are overruled, it is my job to go out there and get the team to execute. The most effective method I have found to accomplish this is to try and get a good understanding of the drivers behind the decisions that have been made. If I don’t agree with the proposed solution, I can at least gain some insight into the problems that the company is trying to solve. In almost all cases, I am well aware of these. Once I can get my arms around the problem, it is easier for me to go back to the team and communicate the impact of the current state. From there, I can communicate the plan to address the business needs, followed by communication that starts with, “so this is what we are doing about it.”

From there I can listen to my team’s feedback and validate any concerns, while staying on message with the notion that the current plan is what we need to support. In these situations, I am often able to commit to staying close to the situation, to monitor the risks as we go, and to try again with my management if the plan’s execution hits a bad turn. I commit to this, and I do my best to follow through in every way possible when a course correction is warranted.

The above approach has served me well overall. Luckily, I have had only a few cases where I was so far apart from the leadership of my company that I found myself unable to justify the direction. Staying on message under these circumstances without breaking my own rules caused me a great deal of heartburn. In both cases that come to mind, I was dealing with a pervasive disconnect between my own values and those of my company’s management. After trying to reconcile this and failing, I decided that I was not well-matched to the company and so I moved on. As a bottle of steak sauce once told me: “Yeah. It’s that important.”

Ask a Manager: Have a workplace dilemma? Want to understand what goes on in the mind of a manager? Post your questions in the comments.

 

Related posts:

Ask a Manager: What makes a Good Manager?

Ask a Manager: Managing through a layoff

Ask a Manager: Your Questions Answered

You're on a Need to Know Basis

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When there is a Coup d'état

Change happens frequently, especially at large, political companies. Corporations are battlegrounds for power and control. Sooner or later there will be a coup, here's how to survive it.

The aftermath

When the announcement is made try to stay composed. Yes the change in leadership will likely mean a whole new set of priorities for you and your team, and much of what you were working on for the whole year will be wasted effort as the new leaders bring their own set of goals to accomplish, and there is a great deal of uncertainty in the organizational structure. Rather than complain and demand answers, take this time to assess, reflect, and plan your next move. Don't broadcast your disappointment, frustration and impatience. Stay focused on the customer/business and fill in any gaps that you see while the dust settles. Would you rather be seen kvetching by the water cooler, or seen as an asset who helped keep things moving in an uncertain time?

Which side you are on?

Are you on the side of the victor or the conquered? If it is easy to identify where you fall, you may need to work on being more adaptable and neutral. If you are on the winning side, don't gloat or take the opportunity to exact revenge on your enemies. If you are on the losing side work on repairing any strained work relationships, and demonstrate that you are ready to work as a team.

How to make it through the next one

Learn to spot the signs. A major shift in leadership doesn't typically happen when things are going well. When the economy is faltering, business is down, and promises are not being kept, the organization is primed for a coup. When it all shakes out there may be some layoffs, "promotions" (usually reserved for executives), and people who "decide to pursue other opportunities", and you may find you report up through a whole new structure in the organization. Make sure you keep it professional. Put your focus into doing your job well, becoming a subject matter expert, and helping others to do their jobs well too. Try to stay neutral in the game of politics, put the customer first and keep your focus in the job at hand. Take this shift in leadership as an opportunity to get your key projects on the agenda, to make the much needed process changes you've been pushing for, or to partner with the new leaders to make their goals a reality.

Survival

The goal of the new leadership is to make a significant and measurable difference in the organization. They want to prove that they deserved to win the battle, and that they are better than their predecessors. Once you understand this you will be able to look more objectively at your new circumstances and figure how you can fit in. You may even have a new boss, and you may not be as compatible with her/his work style. If you wait long enough the will be another coup before you know it.

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Lady Executives, why do I expect more from you?

It's not right (or is it?), but I do expect more from women executives. Forbes recently launched its "ForbesLife Executive Woman" section, and here's what they believe the Executive Woman is concerned with: (One assumes that they've done the market research to support this, so I feel entitled to my disappointment)

-Sports cars
-Designer clothes
-Watches
-Money managers
-Vacation homes
-Funny anecdotes about incompetent underlings

I realize that by expecting more from my female execs I am both adding more pressure to the role these women take on and reinforcing a sexist double standard that requires women to be more touchy-feely while being able to infiltrate the OBN. But I can't help it.

What do I expect?
I suppose I expect female execs to be more family friendly, philanthropic, and willing to mentor other women.
I was hoping to see headlines more like:

-Innovative flexible work options
-Nonprofits making a difference
-Why working moms are your best investment
-Benefits plans that make an impact
-Growing talent within your workforce
-Rewards for top talent

I realize that I don't expect really anything from male execs and am pretty content if they show even a basic level of general competence. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to expect that women can succeed and change the rules? That they can't redefine leadership? Is it wrong to recognize that women have to work 3 times as hard to make it to levels that male executives do (and why I don't expect as much from male execs)? Business women out there, what do you expect from your female execs?

It's in the Life & Style section
My crimes aside, the biggest crime of all is the new "ForbesLife Executive Woman" is listed in the style tab under a header "work/life balance".

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Weak Men and the Women Who Hire Them

Instructor, Caroline Bender

I first identified this phenomenon in my 2nd professional job, where the highest ranking woman was second to the president. The man under her (my boss's boss) saved all his assertion for the females under him. To her, he was unconditionally referential. I liked it at first -- like when your grandmother tells your mother where to get off -- but over the years I began to question why she needed him that way. It was painful to watch how she had no expectation, or even desire, that he would get stronger. He was a small man who made her look bigger.

So OK, it's a trick male executives have used for years ("Yes, JT." "No, JT." "I was just going to suggest that, JT."). This isn't a commentary on women, but on power.

And my field guide to the Alpha and Omega around your office complex, and the Delta between them.

HE
... seems breakable. If tall, painfully thin. If at all muscular, then the size of a fireplug. Nearly always glasses
.... is the highest rank he has ever been, and likely ever to be. Typically, she beat him out for her position, or passed him when he wasn't looking
... invokes her name as the only explanation he needs for what he is requesting... but never when she is in the room
... throws up his hands when cornered, suggesting she made him do it
... believes that he has hitched his wagon to a star (however supernova)
... congregates with those like him

SHE
...is larger than life. Fast-talking, deep-voiced, piercing eyes, impatient hard-mouthed glare. She fills a room with height, weight, shoulders, and/or a drill sergeant's timbre
... is higher ranked than any other woman, and the only woman on her tier
... lets him take the fall for her, unless she can help with a push
... acts surprised when cornered, suggesting he misrepresented her
... will never allow him to succeed, and never let him go
... is without peer. but not in a good way

So, to our She Veeps, may I say...
We are so pleased you made it to the top. We are sure it was hard. We get it that it's a man's world...you have to be twice as tough to be taken half as seriously... Ginger Rogers backward on heels...etc etc. We're not asking you to be better than "they" are, only that you stay someone we can look up to.

Because our respect and need for you wanes over time. It's uncomfortable to watch the way you remind us we work for your fraternity of losers by belittling them in front of us, or hanging us out to dry as an example of their ineptitude (you know when this was). It's hard to hear what they say about you, and not know whether we should agree, defend you, or head to the kitchen for more pie.

And no thanks for your backhanded patronage. Being elevated by you puts us in company we'd rather not keep, even when we are your favorite. We wonder if you would let us stay weak too, hobbled by our own inadequancies. Or hold us to a higher standard than you do the Weak Men, which we think might be worse.

So please don't ask why we are avoiding you, networking around and beneath you, and choosing our mentors outside of your sphere. Please spare us Margaret Houlihan's lousy cup of coffee speech. Instead, show us someone we can be proud of.

More pressure? You bet, sister.

~~CB

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The Little Email Thread That Could

Instructor, Caroline Bender

This is the story as it was told to me -- with the usual changing of names, ranks, and serial numbers.


An Individual Contributrix (Trixie) was working on a high profile project for someone other than her boss. The sponsor said, "Let me know when you get into trouble," and so she did. When another department planted its feet in the way of progress, Trixie knew that she could not just plead at her own level across the hierarchy. She needed the project sponsor to do a little politicking at his tier in order to get the blockage removed. But the sponsor was not at his desk, and his calendar showed him as out for the next two days. So she expressed her need to an email to him...and only to him.

She made her points firmly, with a sense of urgency, but taking care not to name names or throw shade on a group that was only trying to take care of its own business. But her frustration was clear, and her need for the situation to be "handled" was explicitly stated. The email's exclamation point was enough to get the sponsor's attention and a phone call was made. Trixie and the Sponsor agreed that Sponsor would handle this with his fellow executive 1-on-1, and an order to cooperate would trickle down from there.

But Sponsor did not call his peer -- at least not before forwarding Trixie's email to his Boss, a Veep with an inability to understand that "FYI" really means "reporting in, ma'am, not asking for assistance." The Veep broadcast Trixie's request for assistance to as many people under her as she could (which in this company was nearly everyone), including the staff of the Fellow Executive. This started a flurry of responses that rang In Box bells all the way down the cube rows.

The Fellow Executive, who now considered the glove thrown, responded "all-plus some" (which should be an Outlook feature) with a defensive reply about how helpful his staff can be when asked appropriately.

Fellow sends another stern reply to Veep, the Sponsor, and our Trixie about their unprofessional way of doing business -- including the broadcast of Trixie's email, which (he points out) was clearly not meant to be read by others. The Sponsor, mortified, shuts that thread down by offering to call Fellow Executive for an explanation and defending Trixie's original words. He sends a separate apology to Trixie, cc'ing the Veep, who replies-all with her version of an apology. ("I didn't see anything wrong with having other people see it.")

The live version of this workshop would have me shout, "And...FREEZE." at this point in the story. Already there are so many eye-opening lessons we must process some of them.

You Can't Block EMail Forwarding
Oh, would that it were true. But it is not. So assume that anyone could -- and will -- read your words, and write as if for the company bulletin board. This doesn't mean you can't ever complain, or call them like you see them. It means that you must stick to the facts (or obscure them completely, but that's not our point here).

Refer to Business Units, not to People
Unless you are filing a harassment complaint or an award nomination, try to stick to "The Legal Department procedures state..." or "Customer Service representatives reported..." Like, "senior White House officials." Your readers will naturally ask "Who," but answer them off the page.

Limit your Recipients
Imagine if, in the day of the inter-office email and the literal carbon copy, you would have included all these people in this discussion. Trixie took her concern to one reader, and he to one reader, but then the knotting began.

The backlash of not cc'ing the World is that others assume you didn't answer if they didn't hear about it. They will start new threads of their own, contradicting your plan or repeating your effort because they think you did not offer. So...hanged if you do...

Reprimand Privately
One action I like on the part of the Fellow Executive is that he let his peer and his peer's veep know they had offended him, and he did so outside of the large thread which included his own staff. I think he should have left Trixie out as well.

Apologize
Notice how Sponsor apologized to everyone for a turmoil that was not entirely his fault, but certainly kicked off by him. He offered to call the Fellow and resolve the whole thing the old-fashioned uncomfortable way (in person) when he really could have spun several more reply rounds. Notice how the Veep... still doesn't get it.

And what in the world did Trixie do, you ask?
Trixie stayed out of it, but not consciously so. She stayed out of it only by virtue of not being in the office that day. Trixie admits that if she had been there, she might not have made the choice to stay silent, which she now realizes was the safest position. By the time Trixie was even aware of the storm, it had passed. She looks forward to using this hard lesson learned in the future by...

Not Replying Immediately to EMail Threads
Some emails deserve a quick response. They are identifiable because a question is asked, and a "need to know by" deadline is sensed. These are not the messages we are talking about.

I mean the little threads that keep going -- up hill and down -- on their way to the circus. Challenge yourself not to play along, or at the very least to call the sender with your feedback-- thereby getting your point of view directly to the source rather than competing with the reply-plusses. If this means limiting your email checks to only 8 times a day (that's one an hour) do it.

It's very freeing to delete all but the final reply, read the thread, then call the originator and say "Do you need anything more from me on this?"

~~CB

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Workplace Dangers: The "Predatory Mentor"

Freshman Seminar with Miss Minchin - Session 1

While the idea of forming a relationship with a more experienced professional to guide you as you traverse the treacherous waters of corporate life may be appealing, one must take care to avoid the dangers.

Mentoring
What was once a common technique in ensuring the "old boys network" of yesteryear has been transformed into a powerful tool for women to help each other break through the glass ceiling. At its best, mentoring is an altruistic commitment to help develop another's skills and career, while only acting in the best interest of the mentee. At its worst, it is a tool of manipulation, politics and abuse.

Bad mentoring is like "Bad touching"
It started one day after a meeting. I was invited to lunch with a new female manager who I had come to respect and admire. I was looking for a role model, and with so few female leaders in my world, I was easily impressed by her skills. When she asked me to lunch, I felt pleased that she had noticed my talent enough to take a special interest in me.

"You know I'm a big fan of yours," she said fastening her seatbelt as we headed out to lunch.

"I'm a big fan of yours!" I gushed, stunned to find my regard reciprocated.

At lunch I was so pleased to be getting job advice and to have someone listen to my work problems, that I didn't notice how the questions kept steering me toward issues with my boss. I didn't realize how useful the information would be to her.

"You know, I'd like to mentor you" she declared 'spontaneously'.

She quoted someone about the rewards of altruism, and explained what a pleasure it would be to offer assistance to someone as competent and talented as I. Looking back I see this was all her plan from the beginning, but at the time I was emotional at the kindness she was showing me. To me she was my fairy godmother.

"But we should keep this between us. I will treat anything you tell me as a confidence, and I trust you will do the same."

Warning signs
After several monthly "mentoring" lunches, I gradually became aware of what was going on. Ideas and thoughts that I had shared were turning into *her* ideas. My position on how our teams at work could work better together suddenly became her brilliant philosophy. She was feeding me inaccuracies about my boss, and constantly digging for "dirt". And very little of our time together was dedicated to helping me with my career.

In retrospect, I didn't receive any advice that I couldn't have skimmed from the back cover of "Careers for Dummies". It wasn't until the day that I caught her in a lie, after which she burst into tears about how she missed our friendship, that I could no longer deny that it was all a scheme. When I didn't fall for her desperate attempt at manipulation, the tears immediately stopped and so did the "mentoring".

What's in it for the "mentor"?
I learned the hard way that there are manipulative women out there who will take advantage of the sisterhood for their own gain. Guides on office politics advise these machiavellians to "Groom princes and princesses". The techinique is to "hitch yourself to a rising star". This serves several nefarious purposes:

1. By offering your assistance to someone who is bound to succeed without your help, you give yourself the opportunity to take some credit for their accomplishments
2. By making the mentee feel you are responsible for their success, she will then feel indebted to you and will want to return the favor someday
3. By developing your own personal cheerleader, you ensure that you are spoken highly of in
   her circles.
4. You can gather information that you would not otherwise have access to, which you can
   then use against your colleagues and for your own gain.
5. You can steer her toward projects or positions which will better serve your needs, to help make you look good.

Anatomy of a predator
I see now how particularly vulnerable I was to her brand of manipulation. Transitioning between two very male managers, in a mostly male department, I found myself constantly misunderstood and underappreciated. I felt overworked and undervalued, and after the way some conflicts I had had with my "bosses" played out I also felt betrayed and depressed. The perfect conditions for an unscrupulous "advisor".

Predatory mentors are just like other types of predators, who seek out vulnerable and easy targets. Consider the online predator:

"Online predators try to gradually seduce their targets through attention, affection, kindness, and even gifts, and often devote considerable time, money, and energy to this effort. ... They listen to and sympathize with kids' problems."

The pedophile:

"They play the game slowly. They befriend the child, play with them, and get to know them. They see their chance to advance the game, and they take each calculated move as it comes. Each step is carefully planned to draw the child closer to them. They gain their trust, reinforce it, then eventually violate it.

Just like these predators, the Predatory Mentor:

• detects the vulnerable target, and gains her trust
• makes her feel "special" with attention, gifts ("here's a book I thought would be helpful"), and compliments
• listens and sympathizes
• then gradually abuses that confidence to serve their own needs.

Some mentors use their powers for good
Mentors can be extremely valuable. To avoid the pitfalls, here are a few things to look for:

1. Find a mentor outside of your company. You not only want to avoid any appearance of special treatment due to your relationship with your mentor, but you also want to avoid the opportunity for your relationship to be abused. Several mentoring organizations exist for professional women who truly want to give back.
2. Think carefully about what the mentor may get out of the relationship. Be sure that you do not choose a mentor in a competitive company to yours, or who may be good friends with the CEO. Also, be wary of anyone who offers to mentor you who you have not known for long. A good mentor will not enter into the relationship lightly, and will take very seriously the influence she can have on your career.
3. Be prepared to break it off. Recognize when a relationship is not working. Like any relationship you may not have the right chemistry, you may not be getting the time investment that you need or you may not be getting good advice.

Mentor yourself
Many women simply don't have enough self-confidence. You know your value to your company, so act like it. You have done a pretty good job making decisions up to this point about what's right for you and your career, so trust yourself to do what's right. Seek guidance from trustworthy sources and trust your gut.

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