The New People

Senior Thesis Proposal, Pam Beasley Halpert    

They are not new to the world of work, just to your world of work.  Help your new colleagues feel welcome and prepared without being overwhelming or condescending.

Having new people around is a little like having the Boss listen in on your meeting:  you are bound to be a lot more polite and discreet than you would ordinarily.  Suppressing the daily grouse can also make you want to avoid the new people, and that is unfair.  They are nervous, and lonesome, and eager to please....with very little to do while they watch the rest of you scramble around complaining in your secret insider language.  Try a little niceness.

"How's it going?" is a simple conversation starter that lets them take charge of steering the conversation.  A couple of moments in the day where they don't have to answer "I don't know" is a nice gift that costs you nothing.

Remember the personal questions.  Again, on the size of their family, the town they live in, and the source of that wall calendar there.... they are experts.

Invite them along to meetings and phone calls, even if you think they are tortuous and repetitive.  Every opportunity is a new opportunity, and you just may discover they have some background/inside info on the topic at hand.  This technique works best when you can brief them ahead of the meeting, and de-brief afterward, but you may not always have the time.  If you have to choose only one, choose the pre-brief, so at least they understand what is happening.

Never say it's tortuous and repetitive.  Self-discovery is another of the small joys of the new workplace.

Stop for lunch.  Or even dinner. 

Introduce them.  The walk-around is over-rated, but it does work.  What else works is simply introducing them to people you are standing there talking to.  You should do this for at least 6 months, at which time the no-longer-new should be responsible for, "We haven't met.  I'm...."   This is a good practice for you too, because there are new people... everywhere.

We are interested in hearing your New Kid stories, and Visiting Remote Worker stories.  Contact us at bwfinishingschool@gmail.com and share your Best and Worst.  Confidentially is always protected.


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No Sneakers at the Office - Adam Scholl (Book tour)

In Miss Bender's real life workplace, she informally mentors a young professional with real spark, drive, and upward mobility.  (She keeps Miss Bender honest, to tell you the truth.)  Recently, we were talking about some exploring in the job market this NewPro has been doing -- fly fishing really, but you never know when something may strike.  Her biggest concern of the moment (though she has no upcoming prospects from these on-line searches) is how she will  manage to squeeze an interview into her workday.

She says, "I can't suddenly show up one day dressed up."  Because of course her daily attire is jeans, t-shirt over longer t-shirt, and those yes-they-are-sneakers the Red Bull generation wear these days.

I said, with sincere nodding as I crossed my stockinged legs, "That's where you are making your mistake."

As the peskier of the 2 schoolmarms who run this Finishing School, Miss Bender does occasionally check in with the student body on their state of dress, is known to give the once-over during class change, and keeps a black blazer on hand in case you are called to the front office.

As another class enters an already-downsized workforce this spring, The BWFSandSC wants to remind you that appearances do count, and we do take off for spelling.  Your baseball cap in a meeting room is not at all like taking a stand about not wearing a dress to your First Communion.  That was acceptable because you were seven.  Just because your workplace doesn't issue you a uniform, doesn't mean there isn't one.

Into this confusing office culture comes a new guide for new professionals, on everything from office wear basics to etiquette, including business travel, office politics, finding a mentor, managing your time.  These are the things we used to learn in 5th grade health class, but we understand education has changed and you are not often asked to stretch outside of your comfort zone.

Author Adam T. Scholl, MBA, JD, and former Guardsman, has worked in a variety of industries and businesses, and brings that experience to bear in No Sneakers at the Office, which Amazon.com describes as "a step-by-step guide for college seniors, fresh-outs, and professionals under 30 seeking to enter, survive and thrive in corporate America."   Scholl talks about the motivation to share that guide to an emerging workforce in serious need.


Why did you name your book No Sneakers at the Office?
My publisher derived the title from a story that I tell in the opening chapter.  The story illustrates in part why it is important for persons new to the corporate world to know that the mannerisms and behaviors that may have defined one’s time at school will simply not fly in an office environment. 

What are the three biggest mistakes that recent college grads are making as they enter the workforce and how can they fix them?
The three biggest mistakes that I have noticed are

• overconfidence
• a weak appreciation of time management
• poor communication

While confidence is by no means a bad thing and can do much to help recent college grads ascend the corporate ladder, they need to understand that while a college degree is a great achievement, it does not mean their learning days are over.  When it comes to time management, grads need to adopt a time management process so that they manage their workload properly (which is why in No Sneakers at the Office I devoted an entire chapter on this subject).  Grads must understand how to communicate successfully so that their message is received and understood by others.
 
What is it that recent college grads don't know that could hurt them?
It is not realizing the importance of their professional reputation. The business community is smaller than one realizes.  Your reputation influences employment where you work and where you may wish to work in the future.  

Give us a couple of examples of fresh-out success stories.
While on vacation standing at the check-in line at a hotel, I made small talk with a woman who subsequently introduced me to her son.  He and I spoke for a great length discussing topics from how to get hired to the difference between a job and a career, which I explain in my book.  From this conversation we continued to work to get him the position he wanted.  Because of his hard work improving his resume, improving his interview skills, and more, I am delighted to report that he got a position he likes.  Now, it is not the perfect position but it is a position that will allow for him to progress in his career path.  More importantly, his career is progressing successfully because he is not afraid to ask for help and he is open to new ideas.

What is it that you know for sure after writing this book?
The one thing I know for sure after writing this book is that learning is a lifetime process.  Even with my degrees and experience in the corporate world, there is not a day that goes by where I don’t learn something new.  I use the experiences, advice, and suggestions from people I meet to create an ever increasing toolkit of business skills and abilities.

No Sneakers at the Office makes a perfect graduation gift.  But you can bet they will roll their eyes when they open it.

Tell us your Office Lessons Learned Young through our comments window, or by joining our Facebook fanpage.  We'll be posting micro-excerpts from Scholl's guide throughout the day for your reactions.

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Tips from the trenches: Make your coworkers look good

Miss Minchin, Dean of Students

In school, group projects were the worst. One person always did all the work, one person always dominated the planning, or everyone did their own thing and it never came together as a cohesive project. The same dynamics can come into play in the world of work whether you are working on a cross-functional team, or simply depending on other groups to help you meet your deliverables. It can be tempting to sit back and let the slackers in the group expose themselves as unprepared or non-collaborative, while you seemingly “shine” in comparison, but in reality this will have the opposite effect. Your manager wants to know that she can rely on you to produce results, and this applies to team projects as well as individual contributions.

Rather than silently seethe when you find yourself doing more than your fair share, or focus only on your own contribution to the effort (and be surprised when someone drops the ball at the 11th hour), work to bring out the best in your team. Take a few proactive steps to help your colleagues shine and the whole team will look good. Here are a few examples:

• At least a day before a status meeting or presentation, check in with your team and make sure everyone is prepared.
• Ask:”Do you have everything you need for tomorrow? I’m expecting you will present X and I’ll present Y, is this what you had in mind?”
• Determine which updates/sections each person will present, and talk through how you think the meeting will be run.
• If you are presenting to executives, it doesn't hurt to stage a dry run in advance. Everyone will benefit.
•  Ensure any obstacles or negative reports your team has to make are presented with a plan to overcome them:
• “We are still waiting for the reports, but we’ve escalated this and it’s been promised by no later than next Monday.”
•  Help your colleagues present their results in the best light, you may have more experience in presenting than they do, or you can simply serve as a second pair of eyes.
• Instead of “the marketing campaign was not very successful, but it was our first one”, encourage them to report “the marketing campaign had a respectable showing for a first run, and we are working on a plan to make the next one even better”\
• Instead of letting your developer state that the code is only 30% done, encourage him to present it as “We prioritized the main workflows which are 90% complete and we are starting on the secondary workflows next week. “ (Of course – only if this is true)
• Make sure you check in with your team members on a regular basis, and set up a status call if there isn’t one already. 
• This is the place to check progress, ask if anyone needs help, and uncover obstacles before they lead to big problems. If your company culture doesn't support that, check in with each person one-on-one.
• This is not a forum to publicly shame team members into taking action. Understand that they each have their own individual priorities, and are stretched just as thin as you are.

In the end, it’s the finished result that counts, and supporting your colleagues will make you all look better. Throwing your colleagues under the bus will reflect negatively on you as well. What goes around comes around, and it never hurts to generate good will among coworkers. You never know, someday you might end up reporting to them, but with these skills under your belt it’s more likely they’ll end up reporting to you. ;)

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45 Things You do That Drive Your Boss Crazy (book review)

Recently, we referenced columnist Anita Bruzzese and her book 45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy (and How to Avoid Them).  As you consider the change(s) you are prepared to embrace in 2010, you may be ready to take a look within.  This is a practical place to start.

Bruzzese lists the most glaring employee errors, categorizing them according to 4 simple statements:
1) Bosses don't promote employees who make them feel uncomfortable
2) Bosses get rid of employees with too many bad habits
3) Bosses don't give great projects to those who can't play nice and get along with others
4) Bosses don't give leadership roles to those who lack maturity and common sense

The language is pretty blunt, the stories jarring, but as Bruzzese writes,

"[employers] do not want to spend more dollars and time educating you about issues that they believe you should already know...They don't have time to write a book of rules..because they think you should already know that stuff.... But I do have time to write down the rules.  At the same time, I want you to know why the rules are important and why they matter to the boss."

We talk a lot in this space about toxic workplaces that are out to get you, that are trying to crush the beautiful independent soul you knew yourself to be.  But sometimes... it is you.

This is real Finishing School stuff -- the finer points of professionalism (or unprofessionalism, as the case may be) that will separate you from the others, that will get you noticed, for good or for bad.  It has value for all types of readers: new professionals, returning Moms, new Bosses, middle managers, and new hires. 

How to use this book
First, read it.  Go ahead and read it all the way through.  Each behavior is covered in 5 or 6 pages with a simple "might be obvious to you, but not to the guilty employee" explanation of how this behavior works against you (and it isn't just because it is annoying).  For example, "If you're not getting enough sleep, you will be cranky, forgetful, less productive, more likely to call in sick and can run the risk of having a wreck on the way to or from work."  I'll add, and likely to produce poor quality incomplete work with long lasting (even potentially dangerous) repercussions.

Second, quiz yourself, highlighter in hand.  How many of these do you do?  Don't make a lot of excuses, just make a mark if you have ever been guilty of the behavior described.  We are all guilty of some, some time or another.

Now, using Bruzzese's 4 postulates, identify where most of your behaviors lie.  Use this discovery to drive your priorities. This can be as simple as counting your behaviors in each section and writing the number at the top of the section introduction.   Are you most concerned with being promoted, retained, given an opportunity, or given leadership?  Start there.

Ask your confidantes for their input.  This takes some guts, so choose wisely.  Asking former co-workers may be less risky than asking within your current team.  Their examples will be less fresh, but you may feel less defensive about them.  Discuss which behaviors you should start with -- which are the most damaging, which can be changed most quickly?  Be prepared to listen (this is Thing #16, by the way.  Fighting Change is #45)

Take an action.  Bruzzese offers steps for each behavior that are practical, measurable goals.  For the Sleepy Employee, she recommends simple behavior changes that can help.  Don't feel pressured to try them all at once.  As with any life-changing goal, a small simple start is more likely to succeed and encourage you to continue.  I had a co-worker who literally took a nap on his lunch hour.  He knew he needed it every day, and his performance never showed that he did.

As a management tool
Managers, it is likely you know exactly what it is about Pouty McDrama that drives you bats (#4).  On the other hand, if you are unable to connect with some of your team, the list might help you articulate what is bothering you.  Bruzzese's bullet points can become talking points in your next 1:1.

As a performance review component
Whether you are writing your employee's goals, or your own, look for performance goals that can get you to the "Be a Better Employee" end you are both looking for without setting it as a vague goal itself.

Example:  Barbara has developed a reputation as an "undesirable."  Cross functional teams groan when she is chosen to represent her group, co-workers trade tips on how to work with her, upper managers wonder aloud whether she should be higher on the potential layoff list.  Asking Barbara to change her personality is not a fair performance goal.  Instead, identify what drives this ostracism and work to correct those specific behaviors.  Remember to choose those with the greatest/most frequent impact on business success and include Barbara in seeing the connection between what she does and the impact it has.

Best of luck, and Happy New Year!


45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy (and How to Avoid Them)
(c) 2007 Anita Bruzzese
Also available in Kindle version

Read Anita Bruzzese's  On the Job, in our blogroll at right.

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The On-site Interview: Insider Tricks

Instructor, Caroline Bender

Congratulations on achieving the on-site interview!   There are many resources that will outline the basics of interviewing for you: extra copies of your resume, thank you notes, etc.  The Finishing School digs a little deeper. 

This is the Poise section of your war on talent.  Little things can help make you memorable (or prevent you from it), and give you some extra information about the organization that the interview itself may not reveal.

Put these in your databank:

1.    Practice the drive if you don't know exactly where you are going
Do not rely on GPS, which will not know that the parking lot is closed, or that left turns are not allowed between 7am and 4pm.  Ideally, practice this on a weekend, when you can take your time and get a good lay of the land.  This will remove a lot of the stress of your arrival.

2.   Arrive early
Planning for an early arrival gives you a cushion, of course, but it can also give you more information.  With enough time, you can explore the block a little, see what else is in the vicinity and whether this is a neighborhood you are glad to travel in after-hours.  (You know you are not leaving at 5.) 

Are there amenities like banking, restaurants, dry cleaning?  Seating areas outside?  Places to walk?  While not deal-breakers, these are quality of life features that can help you choose between competing companies if you are so fortunate to be in that situation.

3.   Be nice to the front desk
S/he is the director if first impressions, right?  Give her or him one to remember.  Call them by name -- it is probably in front of you -- which drops a hint they may have spoken to you before and/or you might be someone important. 

Apologize for being early, and be very glad to wait.  You will be able to observe a lot about the natural order of business from this seat.  You'll hear the incoming calls, spot some executives, and observe how many people express concern that you are "being helped."  You will see how co-workers relate to each other and feel the aura of the place.

4.   Accept water only
Coffee is high maintenance, it's hot, spills, and stains.  Soda will make you belch.  But by all means stay hydrated.

5.  Understand the org chart as best you can
If your day opens with your recuriter or an HR rep, use this time to understand who will be meeting you, and their relationship to the position in question.  Classier organizations provide you with a schedule (preferably in advance, so you can do some Googling of your own.  more on this later). 

But this step is often missed, or incomplete, so ask if you are not sure.  It is important to understand which of your interviewers will be junior or senior to your role, which receive the output of your work, and which provide inputs.  Not only does this guide your questions, it informs their answers as well.

6.  What can you tell me about...
You are familiar with the "Tell me a about a time..." interview style.  You may use it as well.
"How did that campaign come about," "what can you tell me about the successes of the previous Account Manager?" "How is the pipeline right now?"  Narrative does make for better conversation, and that street runs both ways.

Miss Bender's tip of the week is that it is fine to ask staff to describe their superiors ("How would you describe Tim's management style?") but it seems unfair to ask superiors to assess their subordinates ("What is Barbara like to work with?")  You are bound to hear some awkward performance review stuff you will always regret having heard if you become workmates.

7.  Try for corroboration
Don't fence yourself in with one set of questions you feed everyone, but a few key questions should be asked of people in different roles.  "What's the top priority," and "Who drives that effort," are the kinds of questions that may produce different answers from different groups -- something worth investigating.

8.  Name drop, but subtly
If you have been able to do some digging on your interview team, you have probably discovered some people and places you have in common.  Keep these in your brain, and watch for cool places to use them.  That is, not "Nice to meet you; I worked with Lauren too."    But, when the interviewer says, "Back at BloatCo, when I was there..."  you can play "Oh, we may know people in common.  Lauren Macovoy was at BloatCo, wasn't she?"  This shows your recall and networking skills.

If your interviewer says "Did you work with Jack Jackson at Previous Inc?" and you didn't, pretend to consider it, then say no.  If you did, the answer is, "Yes, I knew Jack very well."  This works for any relationship you had with Jack.

9.  Fish for rivalries and alliances
This is some underhanded play, but we are on point 9, so Miss Bender assumes a certain student advancement at this point.  Quoting something your previous interviewer said will elicit body language, and often some "free exchange of ideas" that no one expected.  It works like this.

Candidate: (picking up on thread of conversation): Eric talked about that as well.  I was interested in the way he described the procurement process.
Interviewer: (leans back, hands behind head):  Eric really understands that process.  He trained me when I first came here.

Candidate:  Jeni was saying that the spring layoffs have been difficult to recover from.
Interviewer: (long pause, nostril sigh) There was a lot of excess on the Sales team.  They are learning to work leaner.

10.   Watch your lasting impression
If you are more enthusiastic than ever about this match, say so.  Professionally and confidently, please.  No begging.

If you are not at all interested, keep it to yourself.  Write your thank you notes and wait for the follow-up.  You might change your mind.  A wierd exit is a great story for everyone to remember...for years.

If you are on the fence, keep it together.  There are probably more interviews to come, and the offer conversation is still a negotiating opportunity.  On your way home, and later with your personal board of advisors, you can sort out what you still need to ask, so you can prepare for the next time.

Keep striving,
~~CB

Related Posts
Today's Glass Ceiling
Want to Manage?
"Good" Gossip

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The Office Cocktail Party

Instructor, Caroline Bender


Wednesday is New Professionals' Day at the Finishing School, though we recognize that even the old soldier can learn a few new tricks. As we near end-of-year office celebrations (on or off site) we offer a few tips for getting through the cocktail hour.


The New Professional navigating the political minefield of the workplace may find the snap decisions of the office social overwhelming -- so much potential to advance, stall, or cripple her success as a serious player. Gaining a reputation as someone who "doesn't go to these things" can put you out of contention for real opportunities in the big picture.


The Seasoned Professional is not immune to this problem; especially in a new workplace where she has not yet learned the politics of this particular tribe.


This lecture refers to the small on-site after work cocktail affair that usually lasts only a couple of hours. The Office Holiday Party, baby shower, annual sales meeting, trade convention, and talent show have additional concerns which should be covered separately.


How to drink


• There is no rule against it, but be mindful of your behavior. Act as if you have seen alcohol before, and are capable of buying it for yourself. It may be open bar, but it is not your sister's wedding.
• Use the cups the caterers brought. Bringing your own cup went out with gatoring at the Delta House.
• It is unnecessary to comment on the caliber of wine being served, as if you expected someone to have opened the wine cellar. If the stemware is plastic, it is red table wine. Drink it or don't. If the event is at the Boss's house, you love whatever it is and listening to her talk about it.
• The best reason not to drink is that it affects your judgment. If you tend to lose advance notice of what you might say, do, or touch... keep your wits about you.


How to eat


• If you are going to drink, please do eat.
• If you could afford to pick up your own dinner on the way home, yield the line to those who can't. The gang from the call center and the grad assistants' lounge count on buffets like this.
• Anyone working through the night should be able to get in front of you and fill a larger plate than yours.
• You can't handle a plate, a fork, and a glass. Pick finger food


How to mingle


• These events are bad enough without enforcing our own cliques on them. Try to break free from your own team, unless you have a new member. Hook them to you, and take them to people you know in other departments.
• Approach those you know when they are talking to people you don't know. Simply stand next to them and smile. It's as simple as this: "I don't think we've met. I'm ______." If you have met, they will remind you. Or not. And it won't really matter.
• "Where do you work," is an acceptable ice breaker, but only one generation removed from "What's your major?" Unless you want to give your own elevator speech, don't ask anyone else to give theirs. Go in a different direction.


How to fraternize


• I am fond of a scene in the film "Big," where Elizabeth Perkins' character corners the boss with a lot of talk about work. He says, "Have a drink, Susan. it's a party."
• As long as everyone is mingling and drinking out of plastic stemware, this is the prime time to move into conversation with highers-up. Things they like to talk about: their kids, their sports, fixing up the house, vacation plans, and the weather.
• Remember, too, that there are subordinates and other career climbers hoping to mingle with you, so don't shut them out. Be as gracious with them as you hope the executives will be with you. Things your staff like to talk about are their kids, their sports, fixing up the house, vacation plans, and the weather.


How to flirt


• Mingle + Fraternize x (eye contact + friendly arm touching). Take the rest of it off-line.


Should I make a speech?


• Are you good at it? Don't answer -- ask others.


May I crash parties I wasn't invited to?


You may not. Class dismissed.

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Correcting the Boss

In a recent issue of "Real Corporate Email," a publication of the Finishing School, a discussion arose about errors made by the Bosses and just when and how (and how!) to correct them.

from one of the subscribers:

The squirmiest misuse: there I was, in the audience as my boss gave a presentation. She deftly built up to her point, clicked to go to the next slide. Here it--and she--announced in all caps, "WALLA!"

WALLA? really?
And this wasn't an episode of The Office?

It is easy enough to make fun of the pointy-haired boss, to imagine how we might let them swing in the wind, to perhaps bait them to repeat the mistake: bigger, better, to a more impressive audience. I once had a Boss who used the word "behooved" when she meant "appalled," and I enjoyed getting her to do it. I was terribly young, and she was mean, but let's try to move past that, shall we?

How do you correct Boss for her benefit, and the betterment of your team?
Don't you tell her when she has poppy seeds in her teeth?

Our WALLA storyteller offered this:

"I agonized about how to handle this forever. I couldn't spare her the initial occurrence, but I thought I could prevent future folly. Finally I decided to let a little time pass, then start using 'voila!' in my writing at work. It was tricky to find the right situations, because I didn't want to come off as (any more) pretentious (than usual), so I was on the prowl for circumstances that might merit the sardonic use of the word. I think I even managed to pull off reading it aloud from my scrawl on the whiteboard in a meeting, which I thought a special triumph. After about four sweaty usages I decided I had achieved my purpose--I was in my early 20s at the time and I took this all very, very seriously."

An excellent example for us to work with, early 20s or no. These days, it is The Boss who is likely to be in her early 20s, so this opportunity may come around more than you expect.

Let it Pass
That is to say, avoid the urge to gasp, point, or mutter "Dear Lord." Practice this in your meetings, because these moments will sneak up on you. Embarrassing her will cut off any chance you have to counsel her.

Consider your relationship
If you are the Boss's consigliere, you may be able to process the incident once the right moment comes (see below). If you do not have the Insider/Personal relationship, you may choose the route our subscriber took and lead by example. An elegant choice that can work whether she is your Mentor, or you are Eve Harrington to her Margot.

Pick your moment(s)
Consiglieres have this easiest, at the end of the day when everyone's corsets are loosened, and you have your stocking feet on her chair and she on yours and you can do the slow sleepy blink and open with, "I think the slide deck worked today. Know what, though?"

In the 2nd scenario, reenacting the event correctly at the first opportunity does the trick. You have to be humble enough never to let on what you just did.

Correct with love
The slowest zebra is individually vulnerable; legend has it that the herd will move at the speed of the slowest zebra in order to protect it. It is a variation on "only as strong as our weakest link." When that zebra is The Boss, your group is easy prey. If you have the opportunity to increase her speed, it is in your best interest to do so.

Remember your Golden Rule and she will too, the next time you make some behoovingly boneheaded move.

~~ CB

Outside Reading
Better than Perfect, Dale A. Dauten
Giving Feedback, Harvard Business School Press
Managing Up, Michael S. Dobson
Quick Solutions to Common Errors in English, Angela Burt

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LinkedIn Etiquette

Graduates of the finishing school should be knowledgable about online networking tools and be prepared to utilize such tools with grace and charm. In this seminar, we discuss the proper etiquette to employ when using LinkedIn.

Part one: Requesting endorsements

1. Endorse them first.
Asking someone to endorse you is akin to asking for a letter of recommendation. Although the means of drafting the endorsement are less cumbersome than an old-fashioned letter, the task of authoring a thoughtful and sincere commendation is no less work. If you know and respect the person well enough to expect her to provide a positive assessment of your abilities, you should show that respect by endorsing her first. This expression of good will reminds your colleague of your positive attributes and feels good to do. It may very well inspire your colleague to draft your endorsement in return, without you even having to ask.

2. Personalize the request.
LinkedIn provides template emails for requesting endorsements, but graduates of the finishing school should know better than to simply send the boiler plate request. Doing so could send the message that you couldn't be bothered to type a few personal lines, yet you are requesting that they compose an original tribute to your abilities. The message you send should be customized to suit the tone of your relationship and the purpose for your request.

3. Explain the need.
While you are personalizing the message you should explain why you are seeking this endorsement. This gives your request some significance, a sense of timing or urgency, and may also provide your colleague with an opportunity to assist you beyond the endorsement request. Whether you are seeking a specific job opportunity, branching out into your own business, or looking to generally enhance your profile, these details can help your colleague form the content of their endorsement and prioritize your request among their other tasks. Your colleague may even have some good leads for you now that he/she knows what you are looking to do.

4. Make it easy for them.
Writing an endorsement can be a difficult to begin. Writing is not a strength for everyone, and it may have been a while since you two last worked together. Remind your colleague of the projects you worked on and what went well. (This is another good reason to endorse your colleague first). You may even suggest some skills or accomplishments you would like them to highlight, specific to the purpose of the endorsement. For example: "Since I'm seeking a project management position, it would be great if you could mention anything you felt I was particularly good at such as delegating tasks, multi-tasking and keeping the project team on schedule.")

5. Don't forget to thank them.
Always follow up with a note of thanks. Your colleague has taken time out of her busy schedule to help you in your career efforts. A quick note or a phone call to thank her will always be appreciated.

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When the Boss likes Christmas More than you Do

It’s that time of year—time for awkward staff meetings that open with,” Would people prefer we have the Yankee Swap during work hours or after work?”

Here at the BWFS&SC we try not to take a position on whether co-workers should throw showers, potlucks, birthday sing-a-longs and secular humanist winter holiday festivals of lights. We rather think our attitude comes out in the way we advise you on getting through them.

When the enthusiasm comes from the Boss, this is especially awkward, and we will assume in this lecture that she knows it too, but genuinely believes
a) team-building exercises do indeed build teams
b) we’ve worked hard all year and ought to have some fun
c) people work better together when they occasionally play together
d) Christmas rituals are fun

Here then, as you have come to expect, Miss Bender’s Guide to Getting Through Office Holiday Celebrations Without Alienating the Boss for the Rest of the Year

General Tip: Know what you want and what you will compromise on. Don’t say it doesn’t matter if it does matter. But give in on the things that don’t matter. Because they really don’t.

Unfortunate Best Tip: Offer to help.
Standing by pouting never works in this situation.
Offer to Help does not have to mean setting up the punch bowl or playing Santa. It can be the kind of private sidebar that starts with “I’ve been thinking about what you said…” They love when you think about they said.

Like any other disagreement with the Boss, you can best make your case by agreeing that you want things to work out the best way possible, and you think your idea will either achieve that end directly, or prevent potential disaster.


Yankee swap
Miss Bender remembers well her first Yankee Swap, which appalled her Southern upbringing and confused her understanding of Christian giving. Twenty years in-country, though, have assimilated her to the Yankee Swap, known in other regions as Dirty Santa or (god help us) Chinese Auction. It is a gift grab/Let’s Make a Deal combination that results in players arguing over the “good gifts,” and begging to pawn off the “bad ones” (which sometimes the giver thought were “good”)

1. Keep the price low. You weren’t going to buy any of these people a gift anyway.
If the participants represent a range of ranks and salaries, here is your chance to remind the Boss of that-privately, of course.

2. Know your audience. This game can take twists that are not appropriate for mixed company.

Secret Santa
Don’t we all have enough projects?
This beloved treasure of sorority houses and freshman dorms everywhere has the same risk factor of the Valentine Shoebox. Someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. Here, names are drawn and the Giver (or "Santa”) surprises the Receiver with a gift each day until the grand unveiling party known as the Anticlimax. If you must…

1. Remember the price rule

2. Encourage people to write likes/dislikes on their name slip when it is drawn so you don’t give brittle to the nut-allergic.

3. Come up with a name for the Receiver. The most irritating factor of Secret Santas is that no one knows what to call the person whose name you drew.

Cube decorating
There are people who decorate their cubicles and people who don’t.
Of those who do, there are those who decorate for the holidays and those who don’t.
Of those who do, there are those who decorate in the same magnitude of any other holiday and those who think there is a prize.
This is bound to be your cubemate or your Boss.

1. Your cube is all you have that belongs to you in this frontier. Stand your ground. But always politely, and with a phrase that complements their own prowess while asserting your own wishes. “You have a real flair for that” can work.

2. Do not encroach when you decorate. Stay in your own holiday zone. This includes electrical cords, things that blink, and anything that sings a song, Ho-Hos or jingles.

Family dinner
The Boss can easily be encouraged to turn this into lunch. It’s cheaper, there is no transportation issue, and people are more likely to come. Just go. It’s like 20 minutes.

1. Sit by people you like.
Usually MissBender recommends mingling, but in this case, your movement is restricted. The advice is to limit your mingling to people you can tolerate. Like a wedding reception.

2. All other office party rules apply.


Crafts, Caroling, and Charitable Giving
The Company never assumes that you have other resources in your life, so they like to bring the charities and the life coaches and the dry cleaning to you.
It is a nice gesture. If it motivates you , enjoy it. Wear a scarf and a top hat.

Otherwise, this category is fairly easy to avoid at a large company, since there are always plenty of people who sign up.

1. Be in the audience. Attending the craft fair, or clapping for the carolers doesn’t cost anything and looks like involvement.

2. If you want to buy gifts for the Toy Box, or the Angel Tree, or the Community Chest, do it.

3. Don’t ask your co-workers if they did it, and never ever ask your employees if they did.

4. If you don’t want to do it, don’t. And don’t feel bad about it. Until this whole company visits your grandma in the Home, you don’t owe them these little indulgences.

Giving the boss a gift
Should you? Miss Bender advises against it, with very few exceptions.

1. The Boss can not afford to buy all her staff a gift. Don’t put her in that position.

2. Giving “up” creates competition among staff members and any reward you get in the coming year will be suspect

3. Exception: if the Boss is truly a personal friend. If you know the names of her children and her home address, drive over there and give it to her on your own time.

When you don’t celebrate Christmas
Well, who does? We celebrate Winter Gift-Giving. And it can be perfectly enjoyable.

If you follow a faith which does not include Christmas, (or which does include Christmas, but the hymn-singing candlelight family-only kind) you should spend the rest of the year demonstrating the same. If it is important to your spiritual integrity, you don’t keep it a big secret until you need it.

Happy New Year from the Faculty and Staff of the Business Women's Finishing School.
Weare closed Dec 25 because it is a federal holiday, not a religious one. Please write your Congressman if that irks you.

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What to Expect from the On-Site

The off-site can be a delight -- even if you don't care for all of your co-workers, and even if ropes courses are involved. It's at least a day out of the office and a change of scenery, catering and guest facilitators.

The office on-site is a horse of a different color. If your calendar holds such a day in your future, review the following carefully. Our motto, as always, is be prepared.

There is no agenda
The longer the day ahead of you, the less likely there will be a plan for spending it. The Boss who tries to cram a 12-item agenda into a 60 minute staff meeting every week suddenly has a free-form 8 hours ahead of you.

Same math for the meeting room
That is... if you manage to score the "good" board room, with a/v and cushioned chairs, you can have it from 9:00-10:00; 11:30-12:00; 2:3:30; after 4. The room you can have all day seats 4. In folding chairs. And...

You'd better layer
That room is either freezing cold or boiling hot. With a blasting fan or banging radiator, respectively. Tank-tops according to your own comfort level, but Scrunchie is a must.

Pack snacks
Corporate catering will show up with the Big Cookies and the strangely dry brownie, which can hit the spot. But if you need your juice, Red Bull, Bubble Yum, Balance Bar, popcorn, Starbucks and other Standard Operating Procedure daily snacks, better bring them with you. Ditto cigarettes.

Pack supplies
There won't be any.

Come early
For the good chair and the network connection.

Leave early
Things really do suddenly come up.

Participate
I'm sorry, but you really will go starkers otherwise.

Is anyone still reading this blog?

~~CB?

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Meeting on the Boss' Bad Habits

Instructor, Caroline Bender
Here's an awkward moment for the new professional or new staff member:
Boss says, "Come have a drink/smoke/bone/lap dance with me and we'll talk about it more."

See how the range of activity suddenly reveals your boundaries?

What's a girl to do?
Miss Bender encountered this scene this morning when New Boss invited her for the privilege of standing in the cold and breathing his smoke while he delivered a briefing that was already complete by the time the elevator hit the lobby. "This is a coveted privilege," he said, "because you will have my full attention."

His lungs, one can assume, would be doing the rest of the work.

My advice on this issue is to gauge the importance of taking a stand. What's your issue?

Are you in recovery?
Maybe this really is a struggle for you, to be around the vice you are trying to kick. And most people with vices are trying to kick them. So maybe you could offer, "I'm trying to quit. Let me catch you when you get back." (or before you go, as suits the situation)

Is it a health issue?
Too cold/hot out, can't be around a lot of people, sprained your ankle.... what have you got?

Is this creeping you out?
Are you afraid people will start saying about you what you heard them saying about the last woman he took out smoking and drinking? For after work events, try "I am expected at home." For mid-workday events, try a different kind of lie. Like you're trying to quit. Or have a health issue. You will have to practice this to have it fresh in your mind. I didn't.

Is it just rude?
Here's where I was. Rude...and annoying to be put in this situation. So I took the meeting. In my youth, I would have smoked as well. But I hear it's bad for you. After I've banked some more credibility with New Boss, I'll decline, with something like the recovery answer, without the recovery part. A full year from now, I'll be able to say something like, "That's no fun for me."

Is that your good cashmere sweater?
Take the meeting and be very annoying about where you stand. Wave your hands a lot and stand about 20 feet away, shifting everytime the wind does. Or ask for a wipe-down of the bar, and refuse to sit on the stool. He won't ask you again.

Do you enjoy such vice?
Then do it. Maybe some good will come of it.

To be fair here, the Boss isn't really testing you. He or she enjoys this activity, and doesn't get it that you don't. Rude, obtuse, inappropriate? Perhaps. But not mean-spirited. Decline nicely, as you would a peer and find a quite escape.

Females executives who like to talk in the stalls will be covered in a different post.

~~CB

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Last Week on the Job

Instructor, Caroline Bender
Congratulations. You're clearing out. Moving on. One hopes, to greener pastures, but then you thought they were, didn't you? One expects that when you walked into this job, you were focused on making a good impression. You want to keep that same focus as you depart.

In these final 5 days, it is tempting to get a jump on the new thing, which is certainly more interesting to you. We at the BWFS(&SC) want to encourage you to work up to the last day. Leave a clean campsite and please douse all your fires.

Ask for deliverables
What do you need to complete before you go, or what needs to be taken to the next milestone for transition? The Boss has trouble with questions like these, because she doesn't really know your job. Think of it like a preplan for a vacation (from which you will never return). Make sure you also find out who is to receive what you are delivering.

Tie up loose ends
Let your counterparts know who they will deal with once you are gone. If the replacement has been hired, indicate the name and start date. If the seat will remain open, try to identify resources who can fill in what you used to provide. This is a good use of email (not everything is).

Provide clean files
If this is not already in your nature, you not achieve this in a week. No one requires typed labels or color coding. But some sense of categorization and order is the minimal requirement.

Thin your folders.
Some historical reference is appreciated, but not every piece of correspondence is required. This goes for electronic folders as well. Watch out for notes of a personal, snide, nature, which you have scrawled in the margins. Or perhaps Miss Bender is only speaking for herself.

Always be working
(or appear to be) The truth is, if you plan it well, you can complete your work 2 or 3 days before your departure. But try to look busy 9-5. Keep going to your scheduled meetings, unless you are asked not to (you traitor).

Participate in calls, represent your role's concerns, just as if you were in for the long haul. Nothing's worse than a project team short-timer.

Don't pack on company time
I'm sorry to say this will mean staying later. Plan on one hour each day of your last week for every year you have been in this job. If it takes longer than that, you are a pack rat.

Leave personal items on the walls until the very end. Their removal saddens your co-workers.


Now you are ready to go. Files clean and meaningful, colleagues prepared to turn to others, projects transitioned or stable.

Do one last nice thing. Wipe down your desk, dust the monitor, Lysol the phone. New people like to feel expected.
~~CB

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What to say to pregnant women around the office

You can never go wrong with "Congratulations!" and "How are you feeling?" (although the latter does get old and hard to answer as it gets closer to the big day).
Here is a helpful list of things that pregnant women you work with wouldn't mind hearing from you:

1. You look great.
2. Can I help you carry that?
3. Here's a chair for you.
4. Would you like me to bring you back something for lunch?
5. No really, you look great.
6. Whatever you decide will be the right decision because you made it, and it's what's right for you.
7. Why don't you go take a break, I'll finish up here.
8. I have a ton of cute maternity cothes and baby stuff I won't be using, you're welcome to it.
9. Where are you registered?
10. You're going to be a great mom.

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What not to say to the pregnant women around the office

Now that Miss Minchin has stepped over to the other side of motherhood, she has become much more aware of the awfully insensitive, ignorant, or downright rude things that some people seem to spontaneously utter to women who are expecting. Below are the top things one should never say:

1. Wow, you're huge! Are you sure you don't have twins in there?
When tempted to react to the size of your pregnant coworker's belly, try to remember a few things:

• You are not a medical doctor (unless you actually are, and if so you should really know better). Do not try to assess or question an expecting mother's development. She sees her doctor every four weeks and would really much rather get evaluated by her.
• Pregnant women's bodies are not any more appropriate to comment on than any other woman's body at work.
• Whether she is large or not, she probably feels as big as a house. Her body has taken over and she no longer has any control. This can be emotionally difficult, don't make her feel any worse, or any more unattractive.
  
  
  

2. You don't look that big, are you sure you're that far along?
Expecting mothers, and especially first-time moms can experience a high degree of anxiety about their own progress, their baby's welfare, etc. Remember all the points above, and don't give her anything extra to worry about. Every woman, and every pregnancy is different. If her doctor thinks she is devloping just fine, that should be all that matters. Again, you are not a doctor, you do not know this woman's medical history, so just zip it.

3. Was this a planned pregnancy?
Do you really think you have a right to know all about the woman's contraceptive methods, fertility issues, or family planning? Seriously.

4. You're going to name her that? Oh, no that's an awful name...
If you ask, or are told the baby's planned name, react just like you would as if you were being introduced to the baby. Keep your opinion about the name to yourself. Imagine if you were introduced to someone, and their reaction was "That's your name? Oh, no, I think Bernie is a much better name for you." Most parents have put a lot of thought into a name that is very special to them, has personal significance, or is treasured in some way. You have no place to interject your opinion into the mix. Even if the name they choose is Slartibartfast, keep your trap shut.

5. Oh that's nothing, when I was pregnant (horror story ensues)...and there was blood everywhere!
I know that seeing another pregnant woman can cause you to reflect on your special time, and any special hardship that you went through, and that you are a much stronger person for having gone through it, but believe me, this is the last thing an expecting mother wants to hear. She has enough to deal with in preparation for her own big day, she doesn't need more things to worry about. And really, this information is way too personal to be sharing with coworkers. Oh and don't compare your pregnancy to hers, every woman is different.

6. Should you be eating/drinking that?
Unless it's a bottle of poison, or a bottle of vodka, butt out. Pregnant women can pretty much eat/drink anything in moderation, even a glass of wine now and then (not that I would). Up to three cups of coffee a day are considered safe, or 300 mg of caffeine. If you see an expecting mother enjoying a Coke, or a bag of chips, or a cup of coffee, leave the poor girl alone. For all you know, it's the first coffee she's had in 3 months, and she drinks nothing but water and juice otherwise. Don't imply she's a bad mother from one item you notice her ingesting.

7. You keep eating like that, and you'll be huge!
What is it about being pregnant that makes everyone think your body is public domain? Would you ever say anything like this to a coworker who is not pregnant? Pregnant women need to eat 300 more calories a day to support their growing fetus, so back off fatty.

8. Aren't you cold/hot in that? You're wearing that?
Let's get one thing straight - maternity clothes suck. Not only do they suck, but they tend to be overpriced and poor quality. If you see your pregnant coworker in a light cotton top in February, it may be because nothing else fits. How would you like to have to purchase a whole new wardrobe every 2 months? Sometimes, stores stop selling winter clothes in preparation for the next season. And, pregnancy makes you really tired, so it's even harder to go shopping than usual. So sometimes, a pregnant woman will take what she can get. And sometimes that means ill-fitting light cotton shirts in February, because the stores are all out of maternity sweaters in her size. So give her a break, it's probably a touchy subject.

9. You're not doing a natural birth? I had all five of my kids without so much as a Tylenol.
Listen, just because something is a natural process doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell. Passing a kidney stone is a natural process, but you don't see people bragging about passing theirs without pain medication. Respect a woman's decision about her own birthing experience, and try to remember that it is none of your business. You may have been blessed with all the right factors that made your birthing experience easy. This doesn't mean that every woman is.

10. Who's the father?
For some reason, people think this is a really funny joke to make.

And lastly, don't even think about touching her belly.

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"Good" Gossip.

Instructor, Caroline Bender

Scoop. Skinny. Scuttlebutt.
The Goss.

Inside information is the secret weapon on the intra-office battlefield. Love to get it, love to have it, love to pass it on.

But there is also "bad" gossip -- stuff you wish you hadn't heard, and are sorry to know.

case study:
On a rare sunny afternoon, you actually take your full lunch hour -- outside the office -- and arrange to meet with an old friend you do not work with (anymore), at a small spot blocks from the building, after twelve. Perfect get-away opportunity, right?

Until the hostess at this tiny restaurant helpfully seats you right next to 2 co-workers. She says, "You can be by the window, so you can see your friend!" The 3 of you nod hello (though you all think, "$#!+") then you try to disappear, and they try to talk in code. This is when you realize, because you can't help it, that they are comparing their painfully sad marriages -- not in a "top this" way, but in a "I can't breathe most mornings" way.
And this is not good gossip.

Good gossip has work-relevance. Good gossip provides strategic direction for the things that really matter, like raises, and desk locations, and who your boss next year. Good gossip makes you immediately think of who you know who wants and needs this information.

Bad gossip is the horrible thing about you that you hope a co-worker would not discover. Bad gossip makes you feel like you should promise the subject you would never repeat what you wouldn't admit to them you heard.

Overhearing execs fighting.....Good
Obligatory, in fact. IM was invented for the sole reason of transcribing high-level blow-ups to those out of earshot. All its other uses came later.

Overhearing spouses fighting...Bad
People who have marital spats by phone (or in person, if you work in one of those kinds of companies) are so deep in the moment that they forget where they are. And you see and hear sides of them you will think about in all subsequent interactions.

Negative feedback....Good
If it is your nemesis, your boss, or your freeloading colleague.

Positive diagnosis.... Bad
Never has "what's heard in the cube stays in the cube" been more true

Who's zoomin' who...Good
When they are both single.

Who's zoomin' who...Bad
When they are not.

Lovey-dovey baby-talk.... Good
Because it's repeatable to the point of becoming a catch-phrase

Creative swearing... also Good
And for the same reason

Symptoms....Bad
And usually nauseating.

~~CB

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Cube Rude

Why do you check your voicemail on speakerphone?

- Do you have a physical disability?
- Are you breastfeeding?
- Are you so multi-tasky that you must email with one hand while mobile phoning with another, and all messages are vital?

No, you are just a self-important attention-craving sad case who thinks we want to hear them.

You hope with crossed fingers that someone important will call in need of you -- call you by a nickname, ask for your advice.

Who do you think that will be?
The president? Of the United States?

Get over yourself already.

~~ Bunny Watson, Student at Large

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Ten Annoying Phrases in My New Co-Worker's Repertoire

Dear Annoying Co-Worker,

when you say {this}, I know you really mean....{that}

1. heavy lifting.... effort
2. the ____ side of the house....... they
3. on moving forward basis.........instead
4. your role..... not my job
5. help out...........do my work
6. thought leader .... competitor ignorer
7. in future... shut up
8. VP... I know VPs
9. really great to have you on board ... I was here first
10. oh, no problem.... big problem

I am tired of you already.
~~ Bunny Watson - student at large

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Actually a Cowboy

Session 3: Deciphering the Dress Code
Instructor, Caroline Bender

Now that it is mid-summer, it’s likely you have received the dress code memo – the one that vaguely scolds you for violating a policy you were unaware of until receiving the memo, and without telling you how you did so.

Used to be that when you were reprimanded, you knew it. Used to be that when they didn’t like what you were wearing, they sent you home.

Do as I imply
Today, the Company is confusingly schizophrenic about dress. It wants to have that flexible-and-fun reputation, but also wants you to be the kind of employee who doesn’t really take advantage of it. So they send this:

if you would wear it to a beach party, a backyard barbeque, or a nightclub, you probably shouldn't wear it to work...

(probably.) Notice how this puts you on your own recognizance. Because the Company is afraid that if it requires you to wear pants in the office, you might go work for someone who doesn’t. On the other hand, these are the kinds of “intangibles” they consider when looking for who should move up and who should move on.

But when your only guidelines are

While dress is, for the most part, a matter of individual taste, management reserves the right to determine what is acceptable or appropriate depending on the job functions performed...

what is a girl to do?

Who will tell you 'bout yourself?
I “came up” a secretary (as we would say it in the South) just one generation removed from hats and gloves; in fact, Easter pictures testify it wasn’t quite “removed.” We had a lot of rules of dress, and not just of the White v. Labor Day variety. Never sleeveless, never bare-legged, never open toes. And never, I learned the hard way, a pair of jeans. Being dressed down for dressing down is indeed humiliating, but if it happens to you young enough, you know that it really is for your own good. Somebody needs to tell you what you clearly don't know.

The best thing I took away from that encounter was this line:

"Blue jeans are not appropriate workwear… unless you actually are a cowboy."

I wasn’t yet 20 years old, and didn’t have much of a business wardrobe. I had tried to economize, and didn’t realize that it was better to repeat than to resort to…. Dungarees.

Casual Anyday
I can’t recall how Casual Friday happened. It just sort of….happened. Millionaire Gen-X geniuses founded on-line companies and became the Bosses while the tail end of the Baby Boom was changing out of their running shoes in the lobby. The intention was to relax some of the Big Eighties new business conservativism. What they meant, I believe, was “jacket and tie optional,” “khakis OK,” and an acceptance of the goatee.

In 1994, Discount Store News cautioned that the hosiery business was down 20%, due entirely to the popularity of Casual Friday. In that same week, Footwear News and the Daily News Record suggested casual men’s shoes and linen suites, respectively, as a way for apparel designers to stay in the game. Eleven years later, Friday is no more casual than any other day, and there isn’t a suit or a shoe in the place.

Correcting the market
Together we can swing this pendulum back to center, and you’ll want to get on-board with this one. Because even if -- right now -- you enjoy the free for all, imagine these scenarios:

• Missing a growth opportunity because you’re not presentable
• Having to confront your own staff for limboing under the already-low bar you yourself have set
• Introducing your braless sneaker-wearing boss to your top prospect
  

Universal dress code
The Company memo incorrectly assumes the Workforce knows the difference anymore between a beach party, a nightclub, and a board meeting. Know this: office-to-evening does not mean slipping your “Reform School Chick” satin-trimmed scoop neck T over your bathing suit.

What the Company memo wants to say, but is afraid to:

Save your jeans for Friday
Better to repeat your one great outfit for a single day than to repeat your jeans for 5. They’ll feel more like a treat as well.

Always dress for meetings
Even on a Friday, and especially if you are running them.
Corporate-wear (golf shirts, oxfords, and the like) is an acceptable compromise.

Accept a few “nevers.”
Challenge yourself to draw a line between work clothes and play clothes. Even on a Friday, learn to say Never to

the beach wear:
flip flops
halter tops
Shorts…unless you actually are in Bermuda

the backyard barbecue:
ball caps
t-shirts (with or without witty sayings)
sneakers… unless you actually are a gym coach

the nightclub:
belly shirts
mini skirts
sequins… unless you actually are a magician's assistant

Be a trendsetter
You know what you can afford, what suits your body, your personal style and your position. Don’t let lax business rules set the tone for your business persona. You wouldn’t hand in sloppy work. You wouldn’t show up late to your own presentation. You wouldn’t eat an apple throughout a conference call. Dress like you know better. It’s all part of the same package.

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