Ask a Manager: Why did you leave your previous job?

The Finishing School welcomes our guest manager,  "Miranda Bailey," to respond to a recent Ask the Manager question.

Note:  some facts in the letter below have been omitted or altered to obscure the workplace.  The letter is otherwise genuine. 

 Hi there,
Came across your web page and "ask a manager" section particularly interested me.
Here's my query: hope I get some guidance.

An overview to my profile:
I am an MBA graduate.
An HR professional (Based abroad)
I've worked for 5 yrs with mostly start-up organizations. Throughout my career I made sure that I give my best to the organizations (for which I did win loads of accolades as well).
To the best of my knowledge, I've always had positive feedback about my work and personality.

The situation:
I got married in 2008; due to demands at home my work suffered and I was fired (without any prior warning). The markets crashed soon after and unemployment prevailed for most of the year in 2009.  By the time the markets got greener for jobs, I got pregnant and had to continue staying at home.

My child is 6 months old now. I am ready to work now.

I am not clearing any interviews in spite of most interviews having indicated good outcome.
     
Most difficult questions/situations interviewers present me with are :
•why a junior position if I apply for non senior positions (after being a senior manager) ;
•why did you leave your previous job ?(gets tricky if I tell them the truth and will get messy if they find out that I was fired!).
•Some state I am too qualified to start off again at a junior position.
•Could it be possible that my previous employers are giving a negative feedback. (Is it possible that a company reference checks with my previous employers without my knowledge? )

Kindly help.

Dear Reader,
As we say in the service business, you are only as strong as your last encounter.  It can be difficult  to bounce back from a termination, though you say you are “ready to work.”  Let’s see if we can emphasize this aspect of your candidacy in your next round of interviews.

Let them Ask
In this market, of course, most candidates are more than ready to work, and many are laid off from senior high-paying roles and competing for junior positions.  You have your work cut out for you.  The market also works in your favor in one way: most candidates have a gap between their most recent employment and the present day.  You may have the advantage in some cases of being assumed laid off, rather than terminated, and you are under no obligation to reveal that in an interview.

When the question arises, meet it honestly.  You may even use it as a selling point.

Never Stop Learning

 Like most interview questions, “Why did you leave your last position” is only partly about what you answer.  It is mostly about how you answer.  Your letter reveals some interesting opportunities:  you recognize where you were stumbling professionally, and though your termination came “without prior warning,” you also know that your work suffered.  

Now is your opportunity to do some hard reflecting on how that happened, and how you might have done things differently.  Work on a simple statement that acknowledges the cause, your role in it, and what you learned from it. End your statement with a question that gives the interviewer the chance to say something positive.  

Like this: “A project I was handling missed a key milestone.  I thought I had it under control, so I hadn’t escalated my concerns to management.  Does your company provide the kind of collaboration that would help resolve scheduling conflicts with projects?”  A savvy recruiter or hiring manager may throw it back to you, “So you were terminated?”  And you can say, regretfully, “I learned so much from that experience.  I realize how it important it is to look for obstacles much farther ahead than I had been.  For example….” 

 
If this is also a situation where you are applying for a role junior to one you held before, or seem more naturally qualified for, you can also add, “I may not have been ready for that level.  In my current job search, I am looking for opportunities to refine my current skills and better prepare myself to return to the senior role.”  Again, a question back keeps the conversation flowing in a feel-good direction.  “Can you tell me about professional training or mentor opportunities in your organization?”
 

Bad Blood

 You suggest that your previous employer is giving negative feedback, and perhaps they are.  In most industries, a simple verification of employment is all that previous employers will offer, though they may add that you were dismissed.  Chances are,  they are not saying much more than that.  As much as we talk about the “permanent record,” most HR files I have seen, including my own, contain very little information about the employee’s actual work.

I was once surprised to be listed as a reference for an employee I had terminated.  It had been years before, it was for cause, and with warning... and I bore no grudge.  I gave the HR screener who called me all the positive feedback I could about the candidate’s skills and talents.  And I did say, “You should know that I did terminate 'Isabel,' though it was many years ago.  You may want to ask her about time management and meeting performance goals, which had given her difficulty.  I expect she has developed since then and has some strong ideas about how to help others with that challenge.”  

Keep Practicing 

Let’s take a look at those interviews you have had which seemed to be going well, but did not yield a job offer.  Identify 1 or 2 where you felt like you had strong rapport with your interviewer and contact them for feedback.  This takes courage, and humility, and you need to be careful not to put your contact on the defensive, or suggest in any way why they didn’t offer you their job.  You want to network with them as you would any contact.  Learn what they saw as your strengths, and what they suggest as areas for improvement in your credentials and/or your interview.  See our earlier post about networking for guidelines on approaching contacts.  Consider taking a coaching session at your local career office, unemployment center, or networking group.  

Better References

 And continue working, in whatever way you can.  Volunteer work, contract/freelance opportunities, and part-time gigs keep your skills fresh and your energy up.  Most importantly for you, they build new references, who can counter any negative feedback you may still be receiving from your previous employer.

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My Interview Story

Guest Instructor, M. Cipriani

 Whenever things happen that make me think, “This is not how it used to be,”  I realize I am getting old.

I long for the days when job offers were made over the telephone, rather than through email.   When you were courted by a company that wanted to hire you, rather than having to remind them – “Hey, you have a job to fill, remember?”

Perhaps it is the economic downturn that has left the state of human resources and recruitment in such a mess, as those folks along with the sales and marketing teams are usually the first to be escorted to the door.   Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations (that has happened before).

Perhaps you should be the judge.

I would not consider myself to be actively "in the market" for a new position, but I am always open to an opportunity to better my situation.  When a co-worker recently departed my company, she mentioned that there may be an opening for me at her new place of employment, and encouraged me to apply.  She would be happy to refer me, she said.  So I applied.

After a couple of mis-steps, one on my part (sick kids) and one on their part (wrong time zone), I was finally able to speak with the hiring manager by phone.  Apparently, I passed the litmus test, and was invited in for an interview.  A week passed, I did not hear from the recruiter, so I contacted her to find out if there was still interest.  Yes, there was; she’d just been in training all week to learn their new process (a clue).

I  had not been informed that I would be meeting with a host of individuals that day, five to be exact.  This is another part of interviewing I’ve grown to dislike.  Is it really necessary to spend half a day at the company, or longer, meeting everyone from the hiring manager to the cleaning crew?   This isn’t a small, family owned, operation either where you could see fit as an issue, this is a large corporation. Can’t the hiring manager make their own determination about somebody’s character? And, much to my dismay, I hadn’t met everybody I needed to meet, because several key players were unavailable that day.    I would have to come back. 

Now for someone who is in between positions, this may not pose a problem. But for someone who is working full time, I am now using my precious vacation time in order to go to these interviews.  Do I mind?  

Yes, actually, I do.

Since my initial phone screen was actually with the hiring manager, rather than a human resources professional, I had never been appropriately "screened" for this position.  So like any good recruiter, my interviewer attempted to obtain my salary requirements before sending me off to meet the masses.   However, I was already sitting in front of her, and had taken the day off to go to this interview.  The last thing I wanted was for it to be over before it even started.  I did as any prepared candidate would do: I side stepped the issue and we moved on.

The interviews went well.  I learned that a previous candidate had refused the position -- for personal reasons, I was told.   Hmm.
Were there other candidates? No.
Would there be? No.

“We would like you to come back in and meet with a few more people.” Should be music to a candidate’s ears, right?  Since I had not been properly screened for this position, before I spent any more time on it, I wanted to be sure it was worth my while. Having had a long stint of being ‘in between positions” myself, I developed a knack to handicap salaries.   I was somewhat concerned that this position wasn’t as senior as I thought.  I phoned the recruiter and asked her to share the range for the position with me.  I did not ask her to make me an offer, simply to provide some information before I continued.

“We don’t give out that information.”

“How will we get anywhere if you don’t give out that information?” I replied.

“We ask the candidates to tell us what they are making and then go from there.”

Yes, well, I will not be doing that. Perhaps a different tack.

“Well, I think this position may be paying in a range of x to y.  However, I already make more than y, so were you to make me an offer in that range, I would be disappointed, as I’m sure, so would you.   Is this position paying x to y?”

“We could be competitive with that.”

What does that mean? “You must have a budget for the position.”

“Yes, we do.”

“And what would that be?”

A little giggle on the other end of the phone.  Seriously, she laughed at me. She indicated that she would need to speak to the hiring manager before she could provide me with any concrete information.

Since I was sure I had blown it,  I called my reference to let her know what had happened. She didn’t like what she heard and relayed this event to the individual who had recruited her:  the manager of the recruiter I was dealing with.  Imagine my surprise when that afternoon, I received a call from the manager of human resources for this company.

“I just wanted to get some feedback from you on how the process was going.”

I proceeded to have a nice conversation with this woman, who, wonder of wonders, disclosed to me the range for the position.  How refreshing!

I thanked her for the information, as price communicates something about a job.   It tells you about the level of discretion this position will have, the qualifications expected and where it sits in the organization.   Clearly, a job paying $50,000 is not going to have the same level of decision making and autonomy attached to it that a job paying $100,000 will.   She asked me not to disclose to the recruiter that we had this conversation, and to "let the process play out."  I agreed.

The recruiter eventually phoned me back and indicated a range that the hiring manager would be willing to offer. I thanked her as well, and indicated my availability for a second round of interviews.

“My scheduler will be in touch.”
Three business days pass, no word.  The day before the interview was targeted to be scheduled, I prompted her with an email.  “The schedule came out today. Didn’t you receive it?”  Actually, no I didn’t.  I adjusted my schedule so I can attend the second round with members of 2  functional areas that I would be supporting.

Today, I received an email that read as follows:
"both Jim and John enjoyed meeting you. It was also nice to see you again.
I met with Joe Hiring Manager this morning and we are working on putting together an offer for you.
I will be in touch soon."

=================================================================

Class.....?


Related Articles
The Wicked Recruiter: Waiting for the Offer...
Salary Negotiations

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Real and Imagined Business Panic

Bunny Watson, Student at Large

A story comes to us this morning that Spokesduck Gilbert Gottfried has been dismissed by Aflac for a steady stream of tweets making light of conditions in post-earthquake Japan.  We might all agree to cry "Too Soon!" on this play; when you are the voice of an insurance company.... well, that just won't do.

Oh, our Tweets will undo us, won't they?  Tweets are the new Send-All email gaffes we all made 15 years ago.  We all have a story of accidentally sending to an entire distribution list an off-color joke or response to the company meeting.  And that was just an extension of being caught passing the slam-book from row to row.

We at the Finishing School already hold you personally responsible for what you do.  This post is for the management.  Because it can be difficult to know when something requires crisis communication... and when you are just doing more damage.  The public does want to know you are in control, yes.  They want to feel confident that "you people" re not running some "kind of show."  A PR crisis is what company spokesmen train so hard for, like raw recruits who just want the chance to show what they got.   And as we have become accustomed to the pattern of Incident, followed by on-line polls by so-called news agencies asking what we think of Said Incident, and whether Offender should Apologize, then Formal Apology and Eventual Firing...  we may be losing sight of the scale of crisis.

We must praise this story on the American Red Cross -- an organization with its share of public image trouble, since every time America gets inspired enough to give them blood, they seem to have trouble handling it.  (reference one, and reference two).  In this case, a cooler management head prevailed, and a simple "I'm so stupid" acknowledgment and a joke at their own expense put the entire matter in its right place in the news cycle.  Even the other company implicated found the opportunity to come out ahead (and let us know there is a thing called beernews.org).

Whether the Tweeting employee was more strongly disciplined behind closed doors, we don't know, and don't need to.  We are glad to know that not everyone gets fired for every boneheaded error, however public -- that there are still Ones to Grow On , even for our media-savvy Media Specialists.  The Red Cross's official spokeswoman masterfully addressed the public "concern" while reminding us of the brand and the mission: “We are an organization that deals with life-changing disasters and this wasn’t one of them,”she said.

Nicely played.

****************************************************

Please remember that blood products have a short shelf life.  The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies needs blood every day. For the catastrophes, cash is better.  Give what you can, whenever you can.

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Ask a Manager: Taking one for the Team

The Finishing School welcomes our guest manager,  "Patty Hewes," to respond to a recent Ask the Manager question.

Note:  some facts in the letter below have been omitted or altered to obscure the workplace.  The letter is otherwise genuine.

I am so frustrated. 
For 3 years I had been telling the VP that my staff's salaries (and mine) were depressed.  I had been told that we would be benchmarking the exempt positions and at that time would make the adjustments, [so]  I beefed up my job descriptions for my department  [and] the consultants [recommended] my job [go] up 3 pay grades.  But my company will only increase me 2 pays grades.  (They base your increases on the midpoint of the range.)  My manager… has determined that he is only willing to pay me 80% of the midpoint... I am aware that my peers in this same department, different unit, are all getting paid at 90 to 95% of the midpoint in the same pay grade (2 pay grade increase).

If I were doing a mediocre job, this could and would be acceptable.  But I have gotten nothing but praise from people from all over the company.  Several of the VPs are constantly singing my praises.  My own VP is singing my praises.  I have turned the morale of my department around and it has affected the department that works in conjunction with mine and turned them around.  I am master-prepared which is not necessarily needed for my position of administration and management but is what my VP wanted, yet he is allowing my immediate manager to undermine and short change me on this matter.

One other item that I was dealing with at the same time was my manager's unwillingness to promote one of my employees based on her years of experience and education.  I had planned to promote her to a Sr. level position as a way to get her salary up.  Because she had only been with the company for 18 months, he believed it was too soon.  He failed to take into consideration her 25 years of experience elsewhere or the fact that she had her masters. 

Right or wrong, I [canceled a meeting my VP]  to discuss the above issues as well as other matters concerning my staff and lack of support:

Prior to canceling my meeting,  I sent a note to my manager and copied my VP reviewing [my employee's] years of experience, her education, the facts of the changes to our program and the positive outcome, I did a spreadsheet reviewing all that she had accomplished in the past year.  I asked my manager to reconsider her promotion.

After speaking with my VP [the following]  Monday, my manager has agreed to promote her to a Sr. level position.  His remarks to me prior to telling me he had reversed his decision what to ask this question.  "If you had a custodial employee who had their masters, would you pay them the custodial salary or $100,000.00 b/c they had a masters?"  I responded with, "I wouldn't have to worry about that because I would not hire a custodial with a masters.  They would not stay in the job and would always be looking for another, higher paying job."  There is no comparison.  They wanted me to hire a masters prepared employee that could replace me if I should leave, yet they didn't want to compensate her. 


"Denise"

 

Dear Reader,

I empathize with the obvious pain you are experiencing.  You are very emotional about the conflicts you experienced in pursuing pay increases for your staff.  I applaud your persistence in being an advocate for your team.  Compensation can be a tricky and emotionally laden issue, and unless you're in environments like the public sector (where pay grades are public) or in union environments where collective bargaining establishes compensation by grade, conversations about fair compensation can be somewhat subjective.

Try to exhibit an understanding of the constraints your management may have faced on the issue of pay raises.   You’re pressing for 2 or 3 level pay grade and compensation increases during the worst economic climate in decades.  Many workers, including those in unions, have been asked to sacrifice compensation in recent years.  Salaries have been frozen, workers asked to take unpaid furloughs, layoffs have been widespread and unemployment has hovered at levels not seen since the early 1980's. Possibly, your industry has been less impacted by the recession, but there are few that haven't been.

Benchmark
You took a constructive first step by revisiting your position descriptions and having them benchmarked against market standards.  That the revised position descriptions justified 2-3 level pay grade increases indicates this probably hadn't been done in a while.  When it was revealed that you were all significantly below market compensation, you should have kept the economic constraints mentioned above in mind when seeking resolution with management.  One option you might have explored was a commitment from your management to move the affected employees closer to the midpoint of the target range over the course of multiple review cycles vs. pressing for immediate pay raises. 

Another item that concerns me is your seeking a promotion for an employee "as a way to get her salary up".  Promotions are generally driven both by an employee's demonstrated ability to take on more responsibility and by the needs of the business.  I suspect this is where the manager’s comment about the $100K custodian originated. 

Employees and managers should regularly educate themselves about the market value of their own skills and those of their teams so that they doesn't find themselves in this position in the future.  Follow Steven Covey's advice to "seek to understand before you seek to be understood"; i.e. anticipate the constraints of the other party when entering a negotiation and formulate resolution strategies that can work for both sides.

Expand Your Learning:

Pay raise calculator

salary benchmarking strategies 
From PayScale.com
From karlonia.com 

Have a question for our executives in residence?
Your sticky situations and request for advice are handled by real working professionals at the leadership tier.  Your confidentiality is protected.  Write us at a bwfinishingschool@gmail.com

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No Sneakers at the Office - Adam Scholl (Book tour)

In Miss Bender's real life workplace, she informally mentors a young professional with real spark, drive, and upward mobility.  (She keeps Miss Bender honest, to tell you the truth.)  Recently, we were talking about some exploring in the job market this NewPro has been doing -- fly fishing really, but you never know when something may strike.  Her biggest concern of the moment (though she has no upcoming prospects from these on-line searches) is how she will  manage to squeeze an interview into her workday.

She says, "I can't suddenly show up one day dressed up."  Because of course her daily attire is jeans, t-shirt over longer t-shirt, and those yes-they-are-sneakers the Red Bull generation wear these days.

I said, with sincere nodding as I crossed my stockinged legs, "That's where you are making your mistake."

As the peskier of the 2 schoolmarms who run this Finishing School, Miss Bender does occasionally check in with the student body on their state of dress, is known to give the once-over during class change, and keeps a black blazer on hand in case you are called to the front office.

As another class enters an already-downsized workforce this spring, The BWFSandSC wants to remind you that appearances do count, and we do take off for spelling.  Your baseball cap in a meeting room is not at all like taking a stand about not wearing a dress to your First Communion.  That was acceptable because you were seven.  Just because your workplace doesn't issue you a uniform, doesn't mean there isn't one.

Into this confusing office culture comes a new guide for new professionals, on everything from office wear basics to etiquette, including business travel, office politics, finding a mentor, managing your time.  These are the things we used to learn in 5th grade health class, but we understand education has changed and you are not often asked to stretch outside of your comfort zone.

Author Adam T. Scholl, MBA, JD, and former Guardsman, has worked in a variety of industries and businesses, and brings that experience to bear in No Sneakers at the Office, which Amazon.com describes as "a step-by-step guide for college seniors, fresh-outs, and professionals under 30 seeking to enter, survive and thrive in corporate America."   Scholl talks about the motivation to share that guide to an emerging workforce in serious need.


Why did you name your book No Sneakers at the Office?
My publisher derived the title from a story that I tell in the opening chapter.  The story illustrates in part why it is important for persons new to the corporate world to know that the mannerisms and behaviors that may have defined one’s time at school will simply not fly in an office environment. 

What are the three biggest mistakes that recent college grads are making as they enter the workforce and how can they fix them?
The three biggest mistakes that I have noticed are

• overconfidence
• a weak appreciation of time management
• poor communication

While confidence is by no means a bad thing and can do much to help recent college grads ascend the corporate ladder, they need to understand that while a college degree is a great achievement, it does not mean their learning days are over.  When it comes to time management, grads need to adopt a time management process so that they manage their workload properly (which is why in No Sneakers at the Office I devoted an entire chapter on this subject).  Grads must understand how to communicate successfully so that their message is received and understood by others.
 
What is it that recent college grads don't know that could hurt them?
It is not realizing the importance of their professional reputation. The business community is smaller than one realizes.  Your reputation influences employment where you work and where you may wish to work in the future.  

Give us a couple of examples of fresh-out success stories.
While on vacation standing at the check-in line at a hotel, I made small talk with a woman who subsequently introduced me to her son.  He and I spoke for a great length discussing topics from how to get hired to the difference between a job and a career, which I explain in my book.  From this conversation we continued to work to get him the position he wanted.  Because of his hard work improving his resume, improving his interview skills, and more, I am delighted to report that he got a position he likes.  Now, it is not the perfect position but it is a position that will allow for him to progress in his career path.  More importantly, his career is progressing successfully because he is not afraid to ask for help and he is open to new ideas.

What is it that you know for sure after writing this book?
The one thing I know for sure after writing this book is that learning is a lifetime process.  Even with my degrees and experience in the corporate world, there is not a day that goes by where I don’t learn something new.  I use the experiences, advice, and suggestions from people I meet to create an ever increasing toolkit of business skills and abilities.

No Sneakers at the Office makes a perfect graduation gift.  But you can bet they will roll their eyes when they open it.

Tell us your Office Lessons Learned Young through our comments window, or by joining our Facebook fanpage.  We'll be posting micro-excerpts from Scholl's guide throughout the day for your reactions.

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Help Wanted: Female

Instructor, Caroline Bender

Student Z.N. asks, "Why are women preferred to men for secretarial positions?" and what the question generated was an exploration of whether that statement is necessarily true.  That is certainly our recent, western, cultural belief, but has certainly not always been so.  When did it change, and what is the status of that alleged preference today, in a business world where women now proportionately outnumber men?

"Secretary" as a job title has fallen out of favor, and the role exists far less than it did, especially in the corporate arena.  Miss Bender's personal observation is that they only exist at the top levels, are more likely to be called "Admins" (with a little less reverence than they were when they outranked all the other secretaries) and tend to be shared by multiple execs (heavens!).

The Department of Labor breaks Office and Administrative Support Occupations (43-000, if you are coding along) into 58 sub-categories, which include postal, workers and shipping clerks.  Secretarial roles by name are 4 of them (executive -1.3M, medical-469K, legal-244K, and other-1.8M).  Incidentally, these are 2009 stats, before economic collapse. 

Bureau of Labor Statistics confirms 96% of  the 3M secretaries and administrative assistants are female,

Before the Modern age, secretarial duties were a clerk's role: appointments, correspondence, general gatekeeping, somewhere between a butler of the workplace and a batman.  In 1996, Ebony magazine ran a man-bites-dog story about the rise of  "male secretaries" which cited the usual reference of  the popularity of the typewriter bringing young women into the office, and adds, "By the 1930s, the number of men in secretarial positions began to diminish." ("Male Secretaries: A Minority but No Longer a Novelty," Ebony, August 1996)

The real question is why the complete conversion, in 80 years of rapid technological, educational, and social advances, from a male to female gender-defined occupation.  Did the women dominate.... or did the men just opt out?  And is the answer the same for nurses, school teachers, dental hygienists? (most female occupation -- did you know?  I didn't.)


One of the men in the Ebony article defines the fulfillment he gets from his secretarial work this way:

"Serving others and being on top of things and networking with counterparts are only a few of the rewards achieved from this career.  When one can take pride in the accomplishments in a day's work and know that as a result you have added a dimension to the situation, this really is gratifying."  (Ebony, 1996)  

On the other hand, it was another man who famously observed "secretarial work was real drudgery," and did something about it by developing a word processor with type one could manipulate on screen ("An Wang: getting to the essentials." Nation's Business, Dec 1987).

There are plenty of women who find drudgery in the secretarial role as well.  After all, 96% of all secretaries in the US may be women, but barely 5 % percent of women are secretaries by the BLS definition.  I'd like to report that the rest of us are scattered liberally throughout all professions, but it remains that our most prevalent occupations are what you would expect (same BLS source as above):

1. Secretaries and administrative assistants, 3,074,000
2. Registered nurses, 2,612,000
3. Elementary and middle school teachers, 2,343,000
4. Cashiers, 2,273,000
5. Nursing, psychiatric, and home health aides, 1,770,000
6. Retail salespersons, 1,650,000
7. First-line supervisors/managers of retail sales workers, 1,459,000
8. Waiters and waitresses, 1,434,000
9. Maids and housekeeping cleaners, 1,282,000
10. Customer service representatives, 1,263,000
11. Child care workers, 1,228,000
12. Bookkeeping, accounting, and auditing clerks, 1,205,000
13. Receptionists and information clerks, 1,168,000
14. First-line supervisors/managers of office and administrative support workers, 1,163,000
15. Managers, all other, 1,106,000
16. Accountants and auditors, 1,084,000
17. Teacher assistants, 921,000
18. Cooks, 831,000
19. Office clerks, general 821,000
20. Personal and home care aides, 789,000

Wage gap figures also continue to cite the female wage as 80 cents to the male dollar.  ("...median weekly earnings of women who were full-time wage and salary workers was $657, or 80 percent of men’s $819" -- BLS 2009)  What is reflected in this gap is the low-paying nature of work where women are prevalent (above) compared to the high-paying work where men have been prevalent (skilled, manual, dangerous, and ... to be honest, sports.)

But bacon is bacon.   34.5% of married women out earned their husbands in 2008, and based on current unemployment breakdown by gender, we can extrapolate that the % is higher today.  Last summer The Atlantic dove deeply into the question of whether equality was being realized, or if women were simply becoming the new men.  I must, by necessity, link you to that very long article to continue this conversation.  

Your comments are always welcome, and your articles in reply are even more so.

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Please Speak Up

Instructor, Caroline Bender

File this under things the Finishing School will tell you that clearly no one else will:  You need to speak up.  Young ladies, this is not what we fought girls' gym, coffee runs, taking the notes in any meeting, and junior deputy assistant titles for -- for you to mutter, mumble, and talk in a high-pitched voice through a clenched jaw while looking at the floor.

Oh yeh, I am riled up now.  And you'd better believe I am not, like.... ending every phrase....?  in a, like... question...?  This behavior is exactly what we mean when we use the term "can't get out of your own way." 

Somewhere along that way, you have retreated from the awesome, cartwheeling, chatty 9-year olds you were into skittish pinch-voiced wallflowers, and it is holding you back.  I am not speaking to the 14 year-olds (though heaven knows we should be working on this with you) but to women in our workforce, 20s and early 30s, who can not command a room -- because we can not hear them.  Recently, I was making a purchase at a counter, and I could not hear the total price spoken to me by the cashier.  I said, with open FM throat, "I'm sorry?"  And, god bless her, she repeated it loudly. ( well, more loudly)

You may believe you have a soft voice, or a high-pitched one.  This does not prevent you from projecting it, and your ideas, to your audience (of 1 or of many).  A swallowed statement tells others
- what you say is not important
- you are not important enough to say it
- you are not sure about it
- you can not be bothered

And we know none of that is true.

Think of the women you admire in your workplace.  Think of the ones who command the respect of others, the ones everyone attends to when they are speaking, the ones other speakers choose to direct their eye contact to.  Pay attention to the way they speak.  Even our beloved Tess McGill knew what Katherine Parker had going on; her ethics and motives were questionable, but people listened when she spoke.  (That's a Working Girl reference, required viewing here at BWFS.)

We know you would be working on this if you only had some tips, so here a few ideas for how to improve your vocal projection, and by extension your professional confidence and standing.  You will be surprised by the results.

Listen to yourself - Record meetings that you attend, and especially those that you lead.  This can be done the old-fashioned way, with a hand-held recording device, by phone through your conference line, or on-line using a meeting management tool like WebEx or LiveMeeting.  In all cases, you'll want to announce to attendees that you are doing so, and ask if there are objections (this is actually a legal requirement in some states, so best to do it for all.)  It is not appropriate in all situations, so use your best judgment.  You do not have to tell people why -- you may say, for example, you've found it helpful for note-taking and action items (which it is).  Play it back on your own time and critique what you hear.

Work on your growth areas in small bites - Assess yourself on volume, "listenability," and content, of course.  I once worked with an experienced accomplished co-worker whose information bank I needed to draw from often.  Unfortunately, he did not modulate his pitch to a single degree.  My brain worked so hard to find the spaces between his words and the ones that required "punch," that I couldn't hang on to his meaning.

Experts recommend about 8 notes in your spoken words.  And the last word of the sentence should not be so much higher that people think you are asking a question.  It suggests uncertainty. Even high-pitched voices can project confidence -- any listen to NPR ought to convince you of that.

Identify your "um" noises - might be "like," "ya know," "know what I mean," or actually "um..." and "uh..."  Concentrate on letting them go.

Study others - speaking of which, here are some authoritative women's voices of varying types that share the commonality of holding your attention.  You don't need to be Oprah Winfrey to rule the platform, though she is a great bar to set.  (editorial note - these are mostly Youtube links.  We apologize for any ads you must endure)

High - Yeardley Smith (aka - Lisa Simpson, no one's shrinking flower).  Compare Yeardly to her interviewer, and you'll see the key difference
Low -  Rachel Maddow.  Here she is with a tableful of female tenors
Soft -  Katie Couric.  In this clip, Katie also talks about voice and body calibration.  Good tips here too.
Loud - Linda Ellerbee.   Way before her time -- TV had little space for her, since David Brinkley was still on the air.
Accented -  Nothing says authority like Christiane Amanpour
Impeded -  Ask Connie Chung if a lisp is a show stopper.  Then ask Sarah Vowell.
(and just for fun, Sarah on Rachel)

Practice - at every opportunity.  Privately, try reading aloud, singing in the shower, talking back to the TV, imitating actresses you admire.  Publicly, practice your meetings and presentations before you give them.  If you have mentors you trust to critique your work, take them into your goal and invite them to coach you before and  after your presentation.

There is a Toastmasters chapter within an hour of you -- maybe even less, maybe even on the job.  Toastmasters International, founded in 1924 is dedicated to "improv[ing]...communication and leadership skills, and [helping members]  find the courage to change." 

Learn when to stop speaking, as well as when to speak.  An opinion expressed well in a few words is always stronger than a filibuster that doesn't hold water.

Believe you can - You will see the rewards of positive speaking almost immediately.  Use the reactions of your audience to build on your confidence.

Repeat - The more you work on the things you want to improve, the more you succeed at doing so.

Outside Reading

Why public speaking skills are important

The Eloquent Woman -  helping help women with public speaking techniques, eloquence and confidence

10 Days to More Confident Public Speaking 

DVD: The Stress-Free Guide to Public Speaking and Presentations

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You can do anything for a year

Instructor, Caroline Bender  

The title of this essay is a common theme around the Finishing School.  We find platitudes to be useful devices, particularly when they can also serve as mantras.  We'll explore more of them in future installments, like "I'm a consultant," and "it's just something for the summer."  "Be careful what you wish for."  "Which would you regret more..."

These have been trying times, as we are all aware.  In the bleakness of the Mother of all Recessions, you may have taken the first thing that came along, or the part-time version of what you really wanted, or the position reporting to the position you are really qualified for.  And your faculty likely offered, in encouragement....

Experts may not be able to agree on how many days it takes to make a habit, but it takes at least a calendar year and a full 4 quarters of business year to understand what you have gotten yourself into.... and what you are getting out of it.

Happy Anniversary.  Getting through the first year is not the focus of this essay.  You do that by being dazzling, open-minded to the culture, and a valuable asset.  All the way to the bank.  This essay challenges you to face the second year.

Assess your goals - what were they for this job, really?  They have been completely pragmatic - keep the house, pay the bills, avoid new debt -- in which case, congratulations!  You met them!  They won't appear on your performance review, and it is best not to mention them among The Brass, but to yourself, say Atta Girl.  Then vow to drop 80's Lady bizslang.  It is not becoming.

Reassess your goals - if your goals were loftier, and remain unfulfilled, take some time to evaluate them with fresh eyes.  Take a couple of days for this assessment.  You need the time to really reflect, personal inventory style.  How did these goals fail to be met?  What part have you played in that?  You may have set goals that you realize can not be met in this environment.  If that's the case, shape that goal to something more attainable.  Remember to make it Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely.  If the original goal might still be attainable, review what part you played in missing it, and find incremental objectives for getting closer to that goal.

Not much of a goal-setter?  That happens.  Maybe you like to feel more "in the now" than that.  It is a legitimate lifeway.  However, it does require you to complain a lot less about where you are in that "now." Even Ekhart Tolle will tell you, "When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness."
So don't project goals; we won't make you.  Instead, your assignment is to reflect on the events of the day like this:

What did I not like about my workplace today?
How was that situation or event created?  How did I participate in it rather than turn it into something pleasant?
Yes, this takes a great deal of presence of energy.  But you're the one who wanted to live in the Now.

Plan.  or Dream.    Picture your next anniversary.  Imagine who you are in that picture, and what you can do (or not do) to realize that picture.  What part will you play in fulfilling such a prophecy?

Why not try this for a year?  We think you can do it.

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Ask a Manager: My Reputation is at Stake

Note:  some facts in the letter below have been omitted or altered to obscure the workplace.  The letter is otherwise genuine.

Dear Finishing School:

Just read the Workplace Dangers – Manipulative People article...

I have a great career – 18 years.  8 long years ago we hired a master manipulator.  She comes off as sweet and innocent and has bought and paid for undying loyalty of all of more co-workers...She has been after me since she started here.  Has lied about me, manipulated every one, tried to destroy me and has been successful. (By the way, I work with all men)

The manipulator is not my boss; however, I [do]  have a new boss... Because of THE manipulator, our old boss said" to hell with it" and retired.  The new boss loves her and thinks she should be able to do whatever she wants.

It has taken her years to destroy me, as she has had to make it personal.  She has eroded relationships one by one by telling each individual that I say things about them that I absolutely do not say.  

 I could write a novel, but this is just one example of many...I have tried to tell people how she is,, but now they won’t listen despite having a very trusting relationship with me for years.  They’ve finally bought in to her lies and now I’m in danger of losing my job.  Her goal is to see me out the door.  She is the type that wants to be everybody’s “favorite” and she needs me completely out of her way.

How do I reverse the damage she has done?  How do I convey to everyone what she is and have them believe me?  How do you expose these people without looking like you’re the crazy one?

This correspondence must be held in absolute confidence.  "Irene"

Dear Reader,

You’ve painted a pretty bleak picture here. I am sorry to see that you are going through such a tough time, particularly after so many productive years. I probably need to know a lot more about the personalities involved, the options you might have in your work environment, and the motivation behind your coworker’s attacks. That said, I think I get the general idea. Based on that, I want to give you some high level tips that might help to give you some focus.

But first, I’d like to tell you about two of my kids. My oldest son "Russ" is twelve years old. He’s a great kid:  a gifted student, a talented musician, an athlete, and a wonderful, caring son. He is also very intense and can be a bit of a control freak. He’s often struggled with sharing that spotlight with his younger brothers.

My youngest son "Eddie"  is seven years younger. He is intense in a different way. He’s a comedian, cute as hell and full of mischief. He does some wild things but generally has everyone wrapped around his little finger because he’s such a charmer.

These two don’t always get along so well. The biggest fight always comes when Russ is standing in his T-shirt and boxers, talking to Mom and Dad, before going off to bed or on a weekend morning after getting up for breakfast. Eddie loves to sneak up behind his brother and yank those boxers to the floor. (Unfortunately for Russ, he does this a lot.)

Now when this happens,  Eddie always laughs and laughs while Russ FREAKS OUT. He will wave his hands in the air and scream and yell (boxers still on the floor) followed by a round of angry chasing and slapping and general chaos. It’s a scene.

The unfortunate thing that generally happens next is that Mom and Dad end up scolding Russ for all of the yelling and screaming and violence.  Is that fair? Not at all. He was clearly the one who was attacked. But a much bigger child cannot be physically abusing the little one.  That, in addition to the noise level and pandemonium that he creates, is just a lot to take. (Hey, we’re not perfect. We have three sons. We’re tired. It’s just a human reaction. I’m not saying it’s right.)

So in all of this, upstart Eddie gets a big load of attention, and wounded Russ ends up looking quite crazy.  My point is, as you put it yourself, he has been around longer, he's a good performer who gets wronged and tries to fight it, but the authorities don't see it that way.

Barbs can't be backed out

It looks like your manipulator has already gotten her hooks in at a very deep level. Clearly, you are not in a position of strength. As hard as it is to accept it, you will have to let go of the notion of exposing her, turning the tables on her, or overthrowing her. You can’t win that fight.

She has a cannon and you have a slingshot (and it sounds like you don’t even have a rock to put in it.) If she is attacking, you don’t want to go for a head-on collision. You don’t block a punch with a punch, you know? Okay enough with the male-centric mixed metaphors.

Anytime someone is accused of something he or she didn’t do, the natural reaction is to fight back and scream from the rooftops. Unfortunately, everybody likes a good story and the writhing-and-kicking denials only add fuel to the fire. If you point back at this gal and start your own campaign against her, it can look like defensive slander. At best, all these men in the office can look at this as a vicious fight between the two of you with you both as equal participants. That doesn’t help you either.

Narrow Your Focus

Right you are trying to do several things at once: refute allegations, expose her as a fraud, win over the boss,

restore your reputation, and get her out of your company. I recommend you focus on a singular goal, which is simply your own survival.

Ultimately, if  all of these men that you work with are so willing to believe bad things about you, you really ought to think about whether this is the right environment for you. I would look long and hard at your surroundings and how you have been treated in general – not just by her -- and decide if this is where you want to be. If not, you can set some goals to move on long-term and then focus on your survival as a short-term initiative. By that I mean that you should stabilize things while you look elsewhere.

Maybe this reflection will bring up some reasons that you want to stay; but within that, I think you need to assume that even in the best case scenario, you and your nemesis will both be there. Either way, you will want to keep working on getting yourself to a better place so that it’s bearable if you stay and if you leave it will be on your own terms, and not in a cloud of defeat that will haunt you for years to come.

And how do you survive?

•    Do your job and do it well. Don’t give anyone a reason to think that you are "no good" based on your own actions.

•    Be kind and professional toward everyone. Same reason as above. And yes, everyone. Even if it kills you. Don’t overdo it, either. No hi-pitched phony pleasantries or forced smiles accompanied by eye-rolls…just keep it all matter-of-fact and keep yourself from sinking to the behavior you are trying to combat.

•    Challenge other coworkers when they present you with things they have "heard." For example, “Bob, you’ve known me for a long time. Have you ever heard me speak badly about someone else?” You might even go so far as to say “if someone tells you something like this bout me, what makes you believe it?”

Now this is important. Just ask the question. Don’t push it hard. And never mention the manipulator by name or say anything derogatory about her.

•    Be yourself. Focus on yourself and your job. Do your best to ignore external inputs, hard as that might be.

Find Your Allies

Perhaps it’s not everyone who has turned against you.  When you are going through something like thi,s it can feel like you have no allies, but there might be some people in the office who aren’t riding that bandwagon. Some might see the manipulator for what she is, and simply choose not to be vocal about it.

Some recognize that you have a long history as productive coworker and are not aware that there is a problem.

Some might not care about the situation one way or another. I would be willing to bet that there are at least a few people who aren’t thinking about this at all. That might sound harsh, but my point is that it will be easier for you to focus on your survival if you can avoid magnifying the problem in your head. It’s a pretty serious problem already.  No need to add even more to it because it is making you feel so isolated.

Finally, with that in mind, I would like you to consider whether there might be someone in the office that you find trustworthy enough to share in some proactive exploration with you. I mentioned above that you should answer allegations with frank challenges to the logic of the situation by asking them to give you details on what they think or why they believe it. This approach assumes that you have people actively confronting you with their beliefs. You might not have that luxury. If you really want to tackle this head-on, you might consider finding the right coworker (or two, or three) and asking them outright for some feedback on how you are doing.

Be Ready for the Response

It is extremely important to do this in a way that does not appear defensive. No folded arms or pinched faces, please. Just something like “Larry, I’d like to get your opinion of how I’m doing with my work…can you tell me what you think I am doing well, and what I am doing not so well?”

Then you listen. 

If the coworker doesn’t seem to want to share, you can guide the conversation a bit by saying things like “I think I’m pretty good at X, but I’ve been working on Y…have you seen that?” From there, you can get to the big one, which looks something like this, “I’ve heard that people [“people”…not her] might think Z about me and I’m concerned about that. Do you have this perception of me? Do you think others do? Can you tell me why you think this might be?” And then depending where the conversation goes, you can ask the other questions that I outlined above, which are meant to get the other person thinking about the logic of the situation.

If you can do this with a few people, possibly including your boss, you might learn something that you don’t know already. You might find some things that you can change or work on to help the situation. More importantly, you will have made a few connections with people who will now be less likely to accept untruths about you in the future. When someone has the courage to open herself up  and ask  for feedback – to expose herself in sharing what she thinks of herself while asking for  input – it is pretty hard to dismiss that person on a superficial level ever again. The memory of that conversation will stick.

You might even find yourself with a few people who will defend you. And hopefully, you won’t feel so alone.

Don Draper, Resident Manager

Related Posts

Workplace Dangers: The Predatory Mentor

Working with a Master Manipulator

Surviving the Boss

Read more »

All the World’s a Stage

Guest Blogger Mary O'Donnell, Fundraiser, Performer...MBA

 Following up a recent Business Women’s Finishing School article about the work of a performer, I have expanded on some of the lessons from the theater world that can be applied in the corporate world.

1.      Be prepared.

Like a job interview, an audition is all about research and preparation.  I always read the play before I audition, and if it’s a musical, I familiarize myself with the score. I had the opportunity to audition for (name drop) Ben Affleck for the first movie he directed.  I got a call the day before the audition, bought the book and read it before the audition the next morning.  Although I did not get the part, he was impressed that I had read the book on such short notice so that I could better understand what he was looking for in the on-camera audition.

2.      Know the players and their expectations.

You often have one or two minutes to do a “cold reading” for a director or casting agent, so you’d better know as much about the client as you do about the characters before the audition.  On-camera auditions involve clients who have clear expectations about the age, hair color, etc. for their characters.  If they say memorize the script and wear a business suit, do it.

3.      Establish clear goals.

Theaters projects have short time frames and lots of moving parts in various stages at any point in time.  If the goals and timelines are not clear for all of the participants onstage and backstage, the project can grind to a halt.

4.      Focus on your own goals.

When you are onstage acting, singing and dancing, there is no room in your brain to think about anything else but executing the script, your own staging, props and costume changes. There is no point in worrying about what everyone else is doing or not doing. If everyone focuses on achieving their own prescribed goals, it all comes together like a quilt—a crazy quilt, but an integrated whole nonetheless. 

5.      Rally the troops around a single shared vision

In any theatrical production, there is a specific script, but each actor uses his or her unique skills and perspective to interpret that script to bring it to life. The director’s job is to bring out the best in every performer through a process of respecting the actors’ instincts and interpretations, having a solid vision for the end product, and helping all the actors achieve that shared vision.

6.      Don’t take feedback personally

In the theater world, rejection is constant, and you can’t take it personally.  I go into every audition doing my best, but I know that there are too many elements of the audition outside my control.  The local theater circuit is a very small world with a smaller number of directors who have their friends, and cliques reign. A director may have very strong ideas about the physical “type” required for a role.  Sometimes you’re just not the vision the director has in his or her brain, and it’s more about your build and hair color than how well you read in an audition.  Accept it, and move on to the next project. 

7.      “There are no small parts, only small actors.”

Everyone is essential to success of a theatrical production.  Period.  See #8, #9 and #10.

8.      It takes a village

The people the audience never sees usually outnumber the performers onstage and are vital to the success of a show:  the guy backstage who built and moves the set pieces, the person who figures out a special effect, the lighting designer, the prop person who creates the 1959 newspaper, the costume designer, the stage manager who runs the show, and the volunteers who do the publicity.  This is a team effort, and everyone needs to pitch in on some less glamorous parts of the project to get the job done. 

9.      With concerted effort by all, today’s chaos can be tomorrow’s success.

“Tech week” is the week just before a theatrical production opens.  The set is onstage for the first time, the technical people are setting light cues, the orchestra is suddenly there, actors have quick costume changes to figure out, and everyone’s patience is tested.  Tech week is a very compressed version of a product launch where what looks like a looming disaster on Sunday becomes Friday’s successful opening night.

10.  It’s a small world

Your reputation can be broken in an instant.  One false step, diva moment or negative remark will be transmitted cryptically through Facebook status and backstage conversations, reaching everyone in the theater microcosm.  As Heidi Klum says on Project Runway, “One minute you’re in , and the next you’re out!”  If you have a reputation for being difficult to work with or unable to be a team player, you will not get the part.

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