When the Boss likes Christmas More than you Do

It’s that time of year—time for awkward staff meetings that open with,” Would people prefer we have the Yankee Swap during work hours or after work?” Here at the BWFS&SC we try not to take a position on whether co-workers should throw showers, potlucks, birthday sing-a-longs and secular humanist winter holiday festivals of lights. We rather think our attitude comes out in the way we advise you on getting through them.When the enthusiasm comes from the Boss, this is especially awkward, and we will assume in this lecture that she knows it too, but genuinely believesa) team-building exercises do indeed build teamsb) we’ve worked hard all year...

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Jungle Fighting

It's funny where one finds inspiration. After a workplace skirmish erupted Friday morning (from which the team and I emerged to fight another day), I happened to read the following in a workplace manual of another sort, sent by a friend. That bell you hear is the ring of truth.JUNGLE SOLDIER'S TEN COMMANDMENTS1. Fight to win. Use all your strength and cunning. Surprise and defeat your Enemy.2. Learn your job. Then do it. Dangers and hardships can't stop a jungle soldier.3. Use cover skillfully. The jungle is your friend.4. Guard your health. Without health you are useless in the jungle.5. Protect your arms and equipment. Never leave them. You...

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Secret Identities

In our last session, we discussed how strange impressions are formed around the office, and why it may be advantageous to let them lie. Miss Bender has recently learned another "fact" about herself that came as a complete surprise, but was greeted with a straight face.Apparently, Miss Bender was once a med student.Well, why not.Part of the skill of maintaining an image as an International Woman of Mystery is to let these chips fall where they may. I don't tell elaborate stories of my days in a labcoat, as if it were true, but I didn't correct it either. I thought I'd find out what I could find out.I have learned that the reason I took Latin for...

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Other Obligations

When Miss Bender was an eager young professional, there was an often-told (and doubtless apocryphal) story told of the young woman who started a new job at a new campus with a wedding ring on her finger and pictures of her husband and young children on her desk.But the facts eventually revealed themselves: the family was invented, and she was not married. But she wanted to set a tone in this new job that she had other obligations to go home to. For years, as the unmarried childless member of the staff, she had been expected to stay late, come early, work holidays, and take less vacation.She and her story were invented, and also 100% true, as...

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What to Expect from the On-Site

The off-site can be a delight -- even if you don't care for all of your co-workers, and even if ropes courses are involved. It's at least a day out of the office and a change of scenery, catering and guest facilitators.The office on-site is a horse of a different color. If your calendar holds such a day in your future, review the following carefully. Our motto, as always, is be prepared.There is no agendaThe longer the day ahead of you, the less likely there will be a plan for spending it. The Boss who tries to cram a 12-item agenda into a 60 minute staff meeting every week suddenly has a free-form 8 hours ahead of you.Same math for the meeting...

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Meeting on the Boss' Bad Habits

Instructor, Caroline BenderHere's an awkward moment for the new professional or new staff member:Boss says, "Come have a drink/smoke/bone/lap dance with me and we'll talk about it more."See how the range of activity suddenly reveals your boundaries?What's a girl to do?Miss Bender encountered this scene this morning when New Boss invited her for the privilege of standing in the cold and breathing his smoke while he delivered a briefing that was already complete by the time the elevator hit the lobby. "This is a coveted privilege," he said, "because you will have my full attention."His lungs, one can assume, would be doing the rest of the work.My...

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Last Week on the Job

Instructor, Caroline BenderCongratulations. You're clearing out. Moving on. One hopes, to greener pastures, but then you thought they were, didn't you? One expects that when you walked into this job, you were focused on making a good impression. You want to keep that same focus as you depart.In these final 5 days, it is tempting to get a jump on the new thing, which is certainly more interesting to you. We at the BWFS(&SC) want to encourage you to work up to the last day. Leave a clean campsite and please douse all your fires.Ask for deliverablesWhat do you need to complete before you go, or what needs to be taken to the next milestone for...

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What to say to pregnant women around the office

You can never go wrong with "Congratulations!" and "How are you feeling?" (although the latter does get old and hard to answer as it gets closer to the big day). Here is a helpful list of things that pregnant women you work with wouldn't mind hearing from you: 1. You look great. 2. Can I help you carry that? 3. Here's a chair for you. 4. Would you like me to bring you back something for lunch? 5. No really, you look great. 6. Whatever you decide will be the right decision because you made it, and it's what's right for you. 7. Why don't you go take a break, I'll finish up here. 8. I have a ton of cute maternity cothes and baby stuff I won't be using, you're welcome to it. 9. Where are you registered? 10. You're going to be a great mom....

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What not to say to the pregnant women around the office

Now that Miss Minchin has stepped over to the other side of motherhood, she has become much more aware of the awfully insensitive, ignorant, or downright rude things that some people seem to spontaneously utter to women who are expecting. Below are the top things one should never say: 1. Wow, you're huge! Are you sure you don't have twins in there? When tempted to react to the size of your pregnant coworker's belly, try to remember a few things: You are not a medical doctor (unless you actually are, and if so you should really know better). Do not try to assess or question an expecting mother's development. She sees her doctor every four weeks...

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"Good" Gossip.

Instructor, Caroline Bender Scoop. Skinny. Scuttlebutt.The Goss.Inside information is the secret weapon on the intra-office battlefield. Love to get it, love to have it, love to pass it on.But there is also "bad" gossip -- stuff you wish you hadn't heard, and are sorry to know.case study:On a rare sunny afternoon, you actually take your full lunch hour -- outside the office -- and arrange to meet with an old friend you do not work with (anymore), at a small spot blocks from the building, after twelve. Perfect get-away opportunity, right?Until the hostess at this tiny restaurant helpfully seats you right next to 2 co-workers. She says, "You can...

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On the 300th Day... She Resigned

The common rule of business writing -- simple is best -- serves your resignation letter as well. Typically, simple can be difficult to get to behind regret, defeat, and vitriol.As I began to research for this article, I discovered that any "tips for writing resignations" has already been done. So I'll just discuss my own. Feel free to use it; it wasn't submitted.Dear <>,Please consider this notice that I am vacating my position onthe *** staff end of day Friday, February 10, 2006. I am unable to commit to the ****business, and the role that has been defined for me in it. I believe it is in the best interests of the team for you to find...

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Cube Rude

Why do you check your voicemail on speakerphone?- Do you have a physical disability?- Are you breastfeeding?- Are you so multi-tasky that you must email with one hand while mobile phoning with another, and all messages are vital?No, you are just a self-important attention-craving sad case who thinks we want to hear them.You hope with crossed fingers that someone important will call in need of you -- call you by a nickname, ask for your advice.Who do you think that will be?The president? Of the United States?Get over yourself already.~~ Bunny Watson, Student at La...

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10 More Great Working Woman Films

Have a nice weekend.1. Broadcast NewsOh, Holly Hunter, I have been you.2. NetworkWhat everyone worried those Libbers would turn out to be like3. Desk SetWhat we turned out to be more like4. Camille ClaudelBehind every great woman is some guy saying it was his idea5. Pat & MikeDitto. With sports6. My Brilliant CareerOften appears on lists like this, though you might wonder what all the fuss is about7. Roman HolidayWhen your brilliant career gets to be too much, you just want to pack it all in8. Gorillas in the MidstYes, you can put too much of yourself into your work9. SilkwoodMind how you stick it to The Man10. Norma RaeBut stand...

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Weak Men and the Women Who Hire Them

Instructor, Caroline BenderI first identified this phenomenon in my 2nd professional job, where the highest ranking woman was second to the president. The man under her (my boss's boss) saved all his assertion for the females under him. To her, he was unconditionally referential. I liked it at first -- like when your grandmother tells your mother where to get off -- but over the years I began to question why she needed him that way. It was painful to watch how she had no expectation, or even desire, that he would get stronger. He was a small man who made her look bigger.So OK, it's a trick male executives have used for years ("Yes, JT." "No,...

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Businesswoman, Appraise Thyself

Instructor, Caroline BenderIt's performance review season -- time for you to do more of your boss's job in order to justify and insure your own.Performance review trends change slowly, but when they do, they are suddenly treated as universal truths -- true for all employees in all industries, all over the country.For some time -- perhaps your entire career -- we have been subjected to the self-appraisal, which is the equivalent of writing your own letter of reference and submitting it for signature.There are plenty of reasons to be in favor of the self-appraisal; after all, Crazy Bosses can put a lot of emphasis on performance reviews, and you...

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Ten Annoying Phrases in My New Co-Worker's Repertoire

Dear Annoying Co-Worker,when you say {this}, I know you really mean....{that}1. heavy lifting.... effort2. the ____ side of the house....... they3. on moving forward basis.........instead4. your role..... not my job5. help out...........do my work6. thought leader .... competitor ignorer7. in future... shut up8. VP... I know VPs9. really great to have you on board ... I was here first10. oh, no problem.... big problemI am tired of you already.~~ Bunny Watson - student at la...

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