Disappearing Acts (book review)

Resident MBA candidate Diane Chambers files a review of Disappearing Acts: Gender, Power, and Relational Practice at Work, by Joyce K. Fletcher, Co-director of Working Connections Project, Jean Baker Miller Training Institute, Stone Center, Wellesley College.  A suggestion for those of you who enjoy the academic read, the swift pace of 21st century business history, and bringing sociology to the workplace.  Regular readers may also notice a recent theme regarding confusion between collaboration and exploitation.



This book, published in early 2001, is based on a structured observation study of female engineers in a high tech firm in the eastern U.S.

The author uncovered four relational practices that the women in the study engaged in:
1. Preserving the Project, taking responsibility for the whole and putting the project's needs ahead of job description, project scope, and career.  Engineers were described as doing what they had to do to move the project forward, even if it involved perceived menial work like data entry or soldering.

2. Mutual Empowering, whose outcome includes task completion and benefitting others through help and knowledge-sharing.

3. Self-Achieving, that is, using emotion as data and making and preserving connections.

4. Creating Team, that is, facilitating connections by listening and responding.

The author then examines about how these relational practices get "disappeared" -- that is, devalued by the organization as non-crucial to work.

First, consider the context:
When success and effectiveness are defined as autonomy and independence, a cooperative attitude is a "deviant" attitude, often attributed to powerlessness and naivete, and can signal a willingness to be exploited. Doing was is perceived as low-status (non leadership) work for the sake of the project can signal career naivete.  Facilitating connection-making is often misattributed to a "need to be liked"  rather than to a desire for cooperative achievement or the effort to work more effectively.  Most tragically (in male-dominated fields especially), female-identified traits and behaviors can be undervalued simply because they are female identified.  They are the style of the Other and sometimes the Unwanted.

Even the author interpreted relational behavior exhibited by a female engineer as indicative of a character flaw, forgetting for a moment her own hypothesis.  During a shadowing session, an engineer was observed as taking "a back seat in a meeting and let[ting] her boss talk about her data."  Joyce Fletcher writes:

I first coded this as evidence of her fear of power and success. I wrote the word "meek" in the margins of my notes. I made sense of her behavior as a type of personal inadequacy and assumed that she was uncomfortable with self-promotion or with being seen as an expert. It was not until later, when she spoke of the incident with pride and explained it was an intentional strategy on her part to give the problem increased visibility and make sure it was taken seriously, did I realize her behavior at that meeting could be understood differently. Only then did I realize that I had "disappeared" her work by labeling the behavior as inappropriate to the workplace and as evidence of her personal inadequacy.

Consider the limits of our language:
It is difficult to articulate individual achievement through relational practice. The terms are usually dichotomous. Relational attributes associated with "femininity" are marked as non-work or inappropriate to the workplace. Further, organizationally strong words exclude relational terms. (visionary, decisive, entreprenurial, risk-taking, etc) Ever see "nice" "helpful" "polite" on leadership term lists distributed by business school career offices?

The study observed that the female engineers were expected to act relationally (as women) and were devalued for doing so. In other words "relational activity is not needed and women must provide it" (p. 112).

How to Use this book
Disappearing Acts was published just as the concept of "emotional intelligence" was coming to prominence, sparking desire to develop these skills (investing in developing others, succession planning, connecting cross-functionally. Organizations were flattening (think: those surviving dot-coms).

Though her observations suggest that relational practice will be challenged by a 20th century work-culture, she also stresses that it forms the framework for transforming organizations into 21st century workplaces.  A number of strategies were proposed by Fletcher, based on her research, to further the recognition of relational practices as valuable to the workplace.

Naming - simply, calling these practices what they are.
By using a language of competence, and naming the intended value-added outcomes of relational practice and noting the relational practices that others do, organizational attention is drawn to the shift in behavior.  Cause-and-effect are articulated.  A new language is developed.  ("Let's use this meeting time to discuss the risks of this approach.  I want to be sure all departments have had their say in identifying the impacts to their goals.")

Norming - using this new open language to set new norms
Relational practice questions established organizational concepts, like what marks "good" leadership or decision-making.
Negotiating - "say yes" - PLUS identify the conditions that need to be met
Organizations can assign monetary and/or career-building value to relational competence. "Yes! I'll coordinate that focus group because I care about building community - and I'd like for that task to be valued in terms of revenue/cost saving dollars in the service of my career advancement."

Networking - another way to normalize
Organizations can foster networks to encourage and reward relational practice (inside or outside the given work environment).  In male-dominated fields, this has tended to be in the form of Women's Caucuses; in majority-dominated fields, support and strategy groups for workers of color.  These organizations have value, to be sure, and can influence the organization as a whole more effectively by using their solidarity to network externally as well as internally.


Related Posts
What do women do to sabatoge their careers?
Salary Negotiations
What should we focus on for the new year?

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The Wicked Recruiter: Waiting for the offer... and waiting, and waiting

Tina Duccini, the Wicked Recruiter

Dear Wicked Recruiter:
What does it mean when you have completed all interviews with a company, the recruiter has told you that an offer is in the works, but it's been three weeks and still no offer? Do you keep following up or just wait? Or do you just move on?


Generally, there is no good excuse for a recruiter not contacting you or letting you know what is going on with an offer if one is in the works.

Sometimes this is a difficult situation- such as:
a. the req just got frozen due to budget shenanigans, hiring freeze, impending termination/resignation of the hiring manager, or upcoming layoff that most people don't know about yet.

b. The hiring manager/team believes they can proceed with a hire and have interviewed candidates and selected one for offer and did not follow the company's required administrative steps in order to complete the hire or get a req approved.

c. Issues with compensation as in paying a market rate for a position when current team members may be underpaid and it gets held up with HR/Finance/Hiring Manager.

It is actually appalling how many hiring managers are unaware of what talent really costs, and sometimes when people have been in a company for quite some time their comp has not kept pace with the market and the first time they need to hire someone making more than themselves it takes them by surprise and they needlessly hold up offers lobbying their own bosses to raise their pay if they have to hire someone making more than themselves.

d. They have another candidate they are interested in and are waiting for them to complete the interview process.

No matter what the scenario- you have a recruiter who lacks competence. Basic competence for their job requires them to prepare you for all steps, timeframes, and set expectations in the hiring and offer process. The thing is... especially if you have a clusterph@%k of a process, a recruiter NEEDS to let a candidate know what it is like and WHY, because at the end of the day, a company needs their employees to understand what it will take to be successful working there.

Take this as a sign of what you can expect when working for this company. For some reason, the most important step for any company- recruiting talent - is something these guys think they can drop the ball on and no harm, no foul.  Do you really want to be on this team? If you choose to join them anyway, be aware that this is just an indication of their value for communication, and execution that is the "norm" in this company. Always look closely at the recruitment process and be aware that everything you see then, you will see in other ways elsewhere in the company. No company or recruitment process is perfect... but even in the clusterph@%s, it is worthwhile if you feel you are on the right team with partners that know a thing or two about how to navigate it succcessfully.

So do you follow up or move on? It depends. It really depends on your specific circumstances and reasons for considering the position. Regardless of the reasons for the delay, you have a bad recruiter, so don't expect that the recruiter will suddenly turn into a professional worthy of their title from any healthy way you might confront the situation.

However, even though none of us are perfect and I have underwhelmed myself more than a time or two..., the candidate is the most important person in the hiring process and it is perfectly acceptable for you to remind my kind of that fact, even if (and especially if) it is me underperforming.

Regardless of whether you want the job still or not, perhaps for the sake of being able to call a spade a spade when you are undoubtably being treated rudely, perhaps reach out to the recruiter something like:

Dear Recruiter,

Last time we spoke on xxxx date you indicated my interviews were complete and you were putting together a formal offer on behalf of xxxx company. It has been three weeks without contact and I am feeling confused as this rose by any other name smells like you hope I will go away. Am I reading this situation correctly, or is there another snag in the process you would like to share with me?

Sincerely,

A disenchanted former candidate

It might not change the outcome of the situation, but it might make you feel better.

I think it is fair enough to send such a message whether you want the job or not. If you can be funny while delivering up a warm plate of shame that would be ideal. I have always appreciated it when a good natured candidate pointed out my lack of grace in a way that didn't leave me humming a duet with a dial tone when I called to beg forgiveness for my insufferable rudeness.

Granted, I never went three weeks after informing a candidate of an offer without contact.

After three weeks it is all about self respect, and even though sometimes even a great recruiter can drop the ball, this sort of thing deserves to be called out.

I would refrain from berating any recruiter in writing as the Internet never forgets and you don't want that sort of thing following you around. There is always a way to tell the truth without it making you look all afool. You don't want even a stupid company to congratulate themselves on NOT hiring you.

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Finding the Cold Contact

Instructor, Caroline Bender

We have been learning these past few months about informational contacts -- call them interviews if you like. Call them mixers. Call them Blind Dates, as I do. They are similar to all of these. Their primary goal is to expand your library of contacts, and to get you some exposure.  In a 10% Unemployment market, you are not trawling for jobs; you are simply charming your way into rooms in order to be thought of when there are jobs.  If you are currently seeking informational contacts and your library has dried up, let us suggest a few new places for you to look without spending any cash and very little extra energy than you already are in the course of a normal day.

One of the sticky aspects of approaching contacts who are strangers to you is finding that opening: "So-and-So recommended that I contact you...." "I understand you have been working with Former Co-Worker..." "We exchanged cards in the airport bar..." So how does one make the long leap of a truly cold call?

"Found your name on Hoovers...nestled in my extended LinkedIn network...place card at cousin Sissy's wedding..."

Here is where Miss Bender refers to her preferred source for What to Do: The Movies.

In Working Girl, villain Katharine Parker  is exposed as an idea stealer when she is unable to explain how she came up with the idea in question. More to the point, heroine Tess McGill can.  It is revealed to be the natural form of network-thinking her hard-driving Boss wouldn't have come up with.

Tess: Look? [showing newspaper]
Katherine: The People Page? Now this is ridiculous....[reading]"Former Miss America Dawn Bixby has been house-hunting here. Seems Dawn and hot, hot, hot D.J. hubby Slim Slicker are getting ready to take a bite out of the Big Apple." ...So?
Jack: Slim Slicker's one of Metro's major assets. Syndicated to all their stations. Number one in his slot. The cornerstone of their programming.
Tess: You lose him, and Metro's just some okay real estate with falling ratings. And you're not exactly buying it for a write-off.... [shows another magazine to Trask] Okay. See, this is Forbes. It's just your basic article about how you were looking to expand into broadcasting, right? Okay now, the same day, I'll never forget this. I'm reading page six of the Post, and there's this item on Bobby Stein, the radio talk show guy who does all those gross jokes about Ethiopia and the Betty Ford Center. Well, anyway, he's hosting this charity auction that night...real blue bloods, and won't that be funny? Now turn the page to Suzy, who does the society stuff, and there's this picture of your daughter.,,,See, nice picture. And she's helping to organize the charity ball. So I started to think, "Trask, radio...Trask, radio." And then I hooked up with Jack, and he came on board with Metro, and...and so now here we are.

What did Tess do that was so clever?
1) She read between the lines
2) She made a personal appeal

The newspaper (online or in print), trade journals, mass market magazines are full of sources. Journalists work hard to get them, and the average reader skims over them with little retention. Get your pencil out and start circling, Tess McGill style.  The tools you need are the tools you already have: up-to-date news sources, social networking, and the Internet.

Step One: Find the story
Instead of reading for where the jobs are, read for where the jobs will be.  Watch for mergers, real estate transfers, grants and bequests, promotions, even a new ad campaign can signal that something is afoot and funds are moving.  Your local business journal is a good source for this.  Local coverage tends to be more in-depth, believe it or not, and company press releases will include a lot of names.

Step two: Find the name(s)
Read with a highlighter in hand if you need to.  You need named and quoted sources you can track back to you, even if they are staff members, board members, or customers.  Take a look at a story's author as well.  Email addresses are often listed at the bottom of the column.

Step three: Find the connection
How do you know this contact?  You probably don't.  But you may know someone who does.  This is why there is so much talk about social networking these days.

LinkedIn users sometimes say that they aren't sure how to take advantage of the tool.  Here is an opportunity.  Searching for this contact by name (People) or by Companies, you will discover your connections, even if they are some distance from you.  Use LinkedIn Introductions to reach them, or simply contact the people you do know personally, until you get to the direct contact.  As much as possible, try to have your mutual contact introduce you.  This is not at all old-fashioned.

Step four: Make the connection
The choice of email over phone is a personal one.  Email gives your contact time to review your information and respond at their convenience; it can also be sent to spam, or buried under business mail.  By phone, it may be difficult for you to get past the Gatekeeper, and if you are not prepared to leave a compelling voicemail, a hesitant phone connect could undo your effort.

In either case, what you want to achieve is an immediate connection, a personal interest, and a statement of need.
"Hello, my name is XXXXX.  [refer to the connection] I have been reading about...thanks for your recent column on.... I have been speaking with (mutual contact) about....].  [brief information about you and what you are looking for]

Step five: Ask for help
Do not ask about employment.  Everyone knows you are looking for work; everyone knows there isn't any.  What you are looking for is an opportunity to talk with this contact about the things that are important to them, and to make enough of an impression that they want to help you.

Using your common ground, appeal to something that is important to them.  This might be the article they wrote, or in which they were mentioned: "I read about your fund-raising efforts in Mary Morgan's Sun article.  I am a grantwriter myself, and know these are difficult times for finding support.  I wonder if you know Richard Perry who is a fellow Tufts alum...."

Try posing a question, looking for their expertise. "I would like to hear more of your ideas about mixed-media installations in small museum settings.  As a contract designer, I am often faced with this challenge."

People do like to help others, even those they don't know.  When you get the cold shoulder, it is likely because you have posed a problem they can not fix, like providing a job.  Appeal closer to their center and you will have better success.

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What Color is Your Bucket?

Guest Blogger, Jay Hargis, Career Doctor and Blogger (HR Cleanup)

I do a lot of work with people who are out of work -- most of them involuntarily. I am always fascinated by the different ways people handle unemployment and I find that often, it has to do with severance. But sometimes, it has to do with attitude. Let me explain.

I think that job seekers fall into three different buckets. For the sake of this post, we'll call the three buckets Red, Yellow, and Green.

Red Bucket job seekers are panicked. They are convinced that they won't be able to find a job as good as their old job. They lament "the old days and the old gang." They have lots of Facebook friends and they update them regularly on each and every job possibility that comes along. They take their friends up...and then down...up and then down....up...well, you get it. Red Buckets also do a lousy job of informational interviewing. They expect other people to find jobs for them. They throw their resume at anyone who will look at it...and they say yes to everything.

"Have you ever designed a nuclear submarine?"
"Oh, yes, in college we built one as a project. I was the group leader."

They will eventually land. And, as they predicted, it won't be as good as their old job.

Yellow Bucket job seekers are caught in the middle and have a hard time understanding that they are unemployed and they need to get moving if they are going to find a new job. They fill their day by organizing closets, going to lunch with other unemployed friends, catching up on Target and Wal-Mart sales, and spending an hour a week on a Job Board so they can say that they are "looking but there is nothing out there."

"Informational Interviewing? Why would I do that? HR said they are not hiring."

Yellow Bucket job seekers are usually married to someone who is bringing in plenty of money or they got an amazing severance package because they were at their last employer for 20+ years. They will luck into something. But it won't be by design.

Green Bucket job seekers are the really fun ones. They see the experience as Opportunity. Green Bucket job seekers are the ones who are not quite sure what is coming next....they know that they are good at lots of different things and are excited to see where the trail leads them. When they have Informational Interviews, they are just that -- an exchange of information. They will meet with lots of interesting people who have interesting work at interesting companies. They won't appear panicked; they will appear confident. Sure they are nervous (as they should be) but deep down, they know that they will land a great job doing something that they find interesting and perhaps even compelling. It will come right when it is supposed to.

I like working with all three--they all need different kinds of service. However, I have to admit, that the Green Bucket folks always land the best jobs.

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Ask a Manager: What should we focus on for the new year?

Guest Lecturer, Dick Whitman, Manager in Residence 

What goals would you recommend our readers focus on at work for the new year? (e.g.what general skills should most people take more time to develop? What could women in particular do better at?)

You might have noticed that a lot of my answers to these questions have taken on a theme of “it’s not about you / it’s about the business.” Perhaps this is because a lot of the questions I’ve been getting have been about some sort of negotiation that is taking place in the workplace, where I maintain that you can be so much more effective in sticking to the facts.

I saw one of your (wise, charming) readers post a reply to the post about how women can hurt their own careers with some insight into the way women answer unreasonable requests with “it can’t be done” while men tend to turn the situation on it’s ear and lay out the scenario in which “it” could be done. I think this analysis is dead on.

While I referred to this just now as negotiation, I think the overall category is bigger than that. At the core of it all is interpersonal communication. It’s pretty big if you think about it. Ultimately we want to be successful in getting what we want. In the professional world, we use our communication skills to achieve this, just as a welder uses a blowtorch and a tailor uses a needle and thread.

Understanding how we communicate is just as important as the mastery of any tool by the person using it. Unfortunately, looking at how you communicate through your own lens is only part of the solution. It is more important to understand how you are perceived by others. You might be throwing off signals that are unknown to you but which can cause others to perceive you negatively without your knowledge.

It is hard to generalize and suggest a course of treatment that works for everyone, so I will recommend a more personal approach for you to meet your goals. I’m a big fan of gathering feedback from others. It can be something formal like a 360 review, but it certainly doesn’t have to be. Try having some one-on-one conversations with people that you interact with and whom you respect. See if you can get them to give you some input on how you are perceived.

Of course, it is very hard to get someone to open up with constructive criticism, but if you make it clear that you are trying to grow, you just might be surprised at the help you get. The key is to set up a non-threatening environment for the person you are talking to: nods and clarifying questions are much better than disgusted looks and folded arms. One trick about gathering constructive feedback from someone who is otherwise a fan is to ask the question this way: “what is one thing that you think I can do to improve at [insert lofty goal here].” The person you are talking to is more likely to understand that no one is perfect and it’s ok to call out just one. From there, you can ask for examples around where and how this issue has come up.

If you can stay mindful of the perceptions that others have of you, you will be on your way to changing the ones you don’t like so much. In the process, you will probably find that your openness to feedback will strengthen the relationships that you have with the people who have helped you to gather it.

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Female Power - Highlights from The Economist

Last week's Economist cover story, "Female Power," contained some statistics we thought you might find interesting.  We encouarge you to review the complete article in its online version, or in the North America print version, Jan 2-8, 2010.

49.9% of American workers are female
In 2009, the US workforce included 80% of college educated women; 46% of women with a high school diploma.
In 1963, 62% of college educated women were counted in the US workforce, and 47% of female high school graduates.

11% of senior management positions are held by women
>13% of corporate board seats are held by women
2% of Fortune 500 companies are headed by women

93% of women say they want to return to work after having children, but only 74% do.  40% of those return part-time.

Current Unemployment has hit men harder: 11.2% for men; 8.6% for women
The number of privately-held companies headed by women has increased twice as quickly as those headed by men.
Women-owned companies employ more people than the 500 largest companies.

Our student body and faculty represent several generations of working women, and includes those who fought to get in, fought to move up, fought to have it all, achieve balance, follow their bliss.  How do these stats represent you and your experience? 

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45 Things You do That Drive Your Boss Crazy (book review)

Recently, we referenced columnist Anita Bruzzese and her book 45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy (and How to Avoid Them).  As you consider the change(s) you are prepared to embrace in 2010, you may be ready to take a look within.  This is a practical place to start.

Bruzzese lists the most glaring employee errors, categorizing them according to 4 simple statements:
1) Bosses don't promote employees who make them feel uncomfortable
2) Bosses get rid of employees with too many bad habits
3) Bosses don't give great projects to those who can't play nice and get along with others
4) Bosses don't give leadership roles to those who lack maturity and common sense

The language is pretty blunt, the stories jarring, but as Bruzzese writes,

"[employers] do not want to spend more dollars and time educating you about issues that they believe you should already know...They don't have time to write a book of rules..because they think you should already know that stuff.... But I do have time to write down the rules.  At the same time, I want you to know why the rules are important and why they matter to the boss."

We talk a lot in this space about toxic workplaces that are out to get you, that are trying to crush the beautiful independent soul you knew yourself to be.  But sometimes... it is you.

This is real Finishing School stuff -- the finer points of professionalism (or unprofessionalism, as the case may be) that will separate you from the others, that will get you noticed, for good or for bad.  It has value for all types of readers: new professionals, returning Moms, new Bosses, middle managers, and new hires. 

How to use this book
First, read it.  Go ahead and read it all the way through.  Each behavior is covered in 5 or 6 pages with a simple "might be obvious to you, but not to the guilty employee" explanation of how this behavior works against you (and it isn't just because it is annoying).  For example, "If you're not getting enough sleep, you will be cranky, forgetful, less productive, more likely to call in sick and can run the risk of having a wreck on the way to or from work."  I'll add, and likely to produce poor quality incomplete work with long lasting (even potentially dangerous) repercussions.

Second, quiz yourself, highlighter in hand.  How many of these do you do?  Don't make a lot of excuses, just make a mark if you have ever been guilty of the behavior described.  We are all guilty of some, some time or another.

Now, using Bruzzese's 4 postulates, identify where most of your behaviors lie.  Use this discovery to drive your priorities. This can be as simple as counting your behaviors in each section and writing the number at the top of the section introduction.   Are you most concerned with being promoted, retained, given an opportunity, or given leadership?  Start there.

Ask your confidantes for their input.  This takes some guts, so choose wisely.  Asking former co-workers may be less risky than asking within your current team.  Their examples will be less fresh, but you may feel less defensive about them.  Discuss which behaviors you should start with -- which are the most damaging, which can be changed most quickly?  Be prepared to listen (this is Thing #16, by the way.  Fighting Change is #45)

Take an action.  Bruzzese offers steps for each behavior that are practical, measurable goals.  For the Sleepy Employee, she recommends simple behavior changes that can help.  Don't feel pressured to try them all at once.  As with any life-changing goal, a small simple start is more likely to succeed and encourage you to continue.  I had a co-worker who literally took a nap on his lunch hour.  He knew he needed it every day, and his performance never showed that he did.

As a management tool
Managers, it is likely you know exactly what it is about Pouty McDrama that drives you bats (#4).  On the other hand, if you are unable to connect with some of your team, the list might help you articulate what is bothering you.  Bruzzese's bullet points can become talking points in your next 1:1.

As a performance review component
Whether you are writing your employee's goals, or your own, look for performance goals that can get you to the "Be a Better Employee" end you are both looking for without setting it as a vague goal itself.

Example:  Barbara has developed a reputation as an "undesirable."  Cross functional teams groan when she is chosen to represent her group, co-workers trade tips on how to work with her, upper managers wonder aloud whether she should be higher on the potential layoff list.  Asking Barbara to change her personality is not a fair performance goal.  Instead, identify what drives this ostracism and work to correct those specific behaviors.  Remember to choose those with the greatest/most frequent impact on business success and include Barbara in seeing the connection between what she does and the impact it has.

Best of luck, and Happy New Year!


45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy (and How to Avoid Them)
(c) 2007 Anita Bruzzese
Also available in Kindle version

Read Anita Bruzzese's  On the Job, in our blogroll at right.

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How To: Improve your performance review experience

Miss Minchin, Dean of Students

Here at the Finishing School, we hold a few truths to be self-evident:
1. Your performance review will be largely based on events from the 2 weeks preceding the review (rather than the prior year)
2. Your manager will rely very heavily on the self review you provide to complete her assessment of you
3. Performance reviews are often treated as a necessary evil, and few managers can deliver them well

Track your achievements:
Given these facts, it behooves you to keep solid records of your achievements throughout the year. Set a resolution this year to keep a log of all your accomplishments (large and small) so that when you need to write your self-review, you won't struggle to fill it with successes from 9 months earlier.

Set achievable goals:
Nothing is worse than having to acknowledge on your review that you failed to meet your objectives. Even worse is when these are personal goals you set for yourself. Don't shoot for the moon when you set your personal goals. If you think you can take 3 courses in advanced programming by the end of the year, set your goal to complete one.  You never know what emergencies will come up that can quickly sidetrack your plans.

Be prepared to work for quality feedback:
Most managers are not very good at delivering performance reviews, and let's be fair it's not an easy thing to do. Unless you have a great manager like I do, you're lucky if you get any constructive feedback at all. If you find yourself enduring a critique of your personality, or getting feedback that would have made a big difference 6 months ago (when it happened), you have some work to do. It will help to be prepared to ask some specific questions about how you can achieve more success in your role. One good exercise is the Stop, Start and Keep Doing question - Ask your manager "What would you like me to Stop doing, to Start doing and to Keep doing?" Keep the conversation focused on behaviors that are objective and measurable. And make a point going forward to check in with your manager or request mid-year reviews to ensure she does not hold onto feedback until it's too late to be helpful.

What are your top tips for surviving performance reviews? Have any horror stories? Share your stories in the comments.

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A Turning Point in a Working Mom's Career

We asked Joyce Maroney from Workforce Institute, to tell us about time when she realized she needed to make a change in how she saw or defined herself or her way of life. How did she prepare herself mentally/emotionally to make such a change, and how does she see that change now as she reflects on it?

Between 1983 and 2006, I worked for five different companies. Each time I left an organization, I did so because I had been recruited by a former manager. The upside of “managing” my career this way was the familiarity of working for people I knew, as well as the flattery inherent in being pursued by people I admired. I never left a job without knowing exactly where I was going next, and my responsibilities and title escalated steadily.

During this same period, I married and had two children. I worked full time, including extensive traveling for many years, throughout my childrens’ childhoods. Having entered the workforce in the late 70s, I didn’t take my status as a working mother for granted, and worked very hard to prevent my motherhood from being perceived as an impediment to my career progress. My children remember that I missed school plays and award ceremonies for work commitments that at the time I thought were critical, although I certainly no longer remember why.

In 2005, when my older child entered her senior year of high school, I realized that I had never been fully present and available to her due to my attitude toward work. As I looked ahead, I realized she’d be off to college in a year, and I’d likely never have that opportunity to demonstrate how important she was to me again. I decided to quit my job, and for the first time in my career, I left my job without having another job to go to. During the next eight months, I was available to participate in school events, go on college visits, and just hang out with my kids without feeling guilty that work would suffer as a consequence.

As far as mental/emotional preparation goes, I felt like I was stepping off a cliff, but I was willing to take the risk in order to be available without restrictions to my daughter.

I also realized that although I enjoyed many aspects of my position as an executive at a mid-sized tech company, I didn’t enjoy much of the content of my job. Throughout eight months of unemployment, I networked with lots of people and explored job options that were very different than what I had been doing. When I did start a new job - two weeks after my daughter started college - it was in a completely different functional area than my prior role. More than three years later, I am happy with my job, but more importantly have managed to maintain a healthier attitude toward work. I work just as hard when I’m on the job, but I don’t treat my family, volunteer and personal time commitments as less important than those required by my work.

In hindsight, it’s possible that I could have achieved better balance in 2006 without quitting my job, but I doubt it. I needed that period of no job to teach me that my worth as a person wasn’t inextricably bound to who I worked for or what my title was, and that the successes I’d achieved on the home front – happy kids, happy husband, good friends – were significant personal achievements. These may seem like obvious lessons, but I needed that respite from full time employment to have that epiphany.

Workforce Institute is a think tank that helps organizations drive performance by addressing human capital management issues that affect both hourly and salaried employees.

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Ask a Manager: Are we at a disadvantage if we never played a team sport?

Guest Lecturer, Dick Whitman, Manager in Residence

Dear Manager,

Do team sports make good workers? If you never played a team sport are you at a disadvantage in the workplace?


I love this question because it really made me think. The theory here is that playing on a team teaches a person to perform well on a team at work. I used to work with a manager who firmly believed this notion to be true. I never felt as strongly about this, so we tended to disagree. My contention at the time was that it was more valuable to have people who had held a job in some form growing up, so that they would have learned responsibility and hard work from an early age.

I am realizing now that my default view was based on the fact that I had spent most of my free time working when I was a teenager. It is not surprising that the above manager had spent most of his time playing sports. Funny how that works.

So it probably stands to reason that a Jesus Freak manager would say that the quality of an employee is directly related to the amount of time he has spent on the altar, while a manager who spent his high school years as a 5th level Dungeonmaster would tie it to the number of hitpoints the employee had racked up fighting giants in the land of Zog.

There is no one formula for the perfect employee, because there is no such thing as a perfect employee. (Although I have unfortunately run across several employees who think they are perfect, but that is a topic for a different post.)

As managers, we have a tendency to look for qualities in employees that are closest to our own, but it is important that we challenge ourselves to look for diversity for the sake of a strong team. Diversity in style comes in many forms and can be influenced by a number of things, ranging from innate talents to work experience to the way a person was raised.

So do team sports make good employees? Why, sure they can….yes they can! But not necessarily in all cases. Sports can help to develop teamwork, a focus on goals, a winning attitude, and whatnot. But then, I’ve known a lot of athletes that I wouldn’t want on one of my teams. I suppose it depends a lot on how you played your sport. Believe me, I’ve managed plenty of ball hogs and prima donnas and klutzes (some of whom never stepped onto a ball field) in my career.

For me, it really comes down to character, as in: it is important that every employee has some. Generally I think it is safe to say that character is best developed early in life for the purpose of future growth. So with regard to character…the question is: how do I get me some of that?

Again, there is no one specific way. Young people can build character by participating in sports, or theater, or Boy Scouts, or by helping to raise younger siblings, or by taking a long walk along the train tracks with three friends in search of a dead body and having to stand up to a dangerous bully at the end of the journey. There are lots of ways. But I digress.

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