What is my Son Learning About Women?

by Michelle Morgan, Director/Editor, Tipsy Pix, Inc.


As I sit alone in my hotel room 3000 miles and 3 time zones away from home, I fear I lack the perspective necessary to really answer the question honestly, so I have forwarded it to JRo, Age 2. Two year-olds, like your boss and the guy in the cube down the hall, are fiercely opinionated yet lack the ability to fully articulate. And they can’t spell. Recognizing that, I have taken the liberty of fleshing out some of JRo’s thoughts.


What I am learning about women from my mom is…

•They are really committed to the Whole Foods Army.
While nobly super-momish, it is powerfully smug and all it means is that she's spending too much of my Heavily Marketed (Yet Highly Coveted) Disney Toy money on free-range Cheerios.

•They are really freakin’ competitive.
Just because your mom pumped 15 times a day at work for the first 30 months of your life (that’s 2 1/2 years for you non-mothers) doesn’t mean that you are going to be more (insert adjective here). Mine only did it for 6 months and I can probably kick your butt all the way from the swings to the slide…
...but I wouldn’t because we don’t engage in aggressive play.

•That they are pissed off at Dad... a lot.
I don’t know what this is about and I wish it wouldn’t happen so often. Something about division of labor…

•That despite how tired she looks, she still manages to get me to the pool, playground or story time AND have that 10 am conference call with some guy named The Azhol.

•They like wine.
[Mom replies: I have no problem with that last observation. It will get him a lot farther at cocktail parties than Calculus.]

•They can multitask like nobody’s business!
This is something I know a thing or two about as I can eat breakfast, watch a video and play with a remote control ambulance while mom dresses me. I know it’s cliché, but it is true.

Take yesterday, for example. That woman (my mom) ordered my birthday invitations and paper goods (Yo Gabba Gabba, SCORE!) from her iPhone in O’Hare. By the time she landed in Seattle, she had ordered food for my kid party and family party from the online grocery. She had sent dad addresses and instructions for the invites so he could mail it all out before she got home (which didn’t happen, but whatever). She coordinated 3 separate caretakers, complete with instructions, and schedules including doctor’s appointments for big bro and me. Then she had a late night production meeting in her hotel room.

Then, one of her colleagues had the nerve to suggest, “Motherhood has overwhelmed her.” Well, I oughta…!
That colleague was a woman. With no kids.

 What I hope my son is learning about life from me.

He's learning the importance of independence and trying something you might hate four times before concluding that you do, in fact, hate it.

You need to eat healthily-not because that sweet guy with the tattoos like Daddy on The Biggest Loser tells you to, but because it actually tastes better. Also, eat as much as you want for breakfast and as little as you can for dinner.

Solving the problem is more important than knowing the answer.

Fat lips gotten in the pursuit of fun are okay. Fat lips gotten in the pursuit of hurting another person (or cat) are bad.

Pick your battles wisely. If you do this, you will always win.

If you can swim and play the piano, you will do well.
If you can do both at the same time, you will make a great working parent some day.